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23 September 2004 @ 10:17 pm
it can't be you  
i'm gonna start making resolutions. i'm gonna try to take things one week at a time. i'm gonna remain passive for the rest of this week until past sunday. you're not gonna hear anymore of me for the rest of this week unless you took the initiative. and i'm not even gonna allow my friends to do me "favours".

the topmost fear constantly on my mind is a repeat of what happened with "my biggest mistake". and the very worst thing is, it's not even as if 我没有人追... hell. sigh.

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i don't hate my introverted, meek and mousy, wallflower, fade-into-the-background, seemingly "pushover"-like character, but i sure hate how totally unattractive, unappealing, and tear-out-your-hair-screaming boring it is to people. it's always everyone else, anyone else, my best friend, but me.

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dear God, thank You so much for Your protection from every single one of my multitudes of crushes; thank You for preservation of my purity. i guess i do know that if You hadn't made stuff all turn out no-go's, i'd seriously be in deep muddy dirty muck; i'd feel so totally ack... and cheap. urgh. people are gonna think, there she goes again, making herself feel better by saying all this... but You said to give thanks... hard as it is. :< seriously, at the end of each and every crush, i really have You to thank for Your ultimate PROTECTION! (even for non-crushes) You're all-knowing, perfect-sighted, and wise beyond all measure... but i just can't help whining when i'm still stuck in my tiny narrow worldview, unable to see the future, the perfect plan, you have, all mapped out for me! so, save me, okay?

hm, i think i really have some issues about being made in Your image... talk to You more about it tonight. 2 Corinthians 12:9, my verse... but i really can't imagine how Your power may rest on me with regard to this... totally cannot imagine.

a little less than the girl next door ==> a whole lot less than the girl next door. is my worth in my cap score, my academics, my intelligence, my looks, my physical etc.? i know it isn't supposed to be, but God, it's not my fault, it's the world, it's world pressure (cf. peer pressure)... help me to hold out on Your hope, okay?

sorry for being whiny and pouty. also, please help me to understand my financial accounting. thanks a whole lot for listening, and thanks for making me smile again. and i ask all these my prayers in my wonderful Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ's most precious Name. amen.
 
 
Mood: shortsighted
Music: i'll be the one
 
 
 
(Anonymous) on September 25th, 2004 06:41 am (UTC)
oops...i havent read ur blog until today. will do some reflection on doing 'favours' without ur asking. hope u r feeling better...
(Anonymous) on September 25th, 2004 08:22 am (UTC)
wat happen ar? u wanna tell me?
anyway, i think this may not be of much help...but still, remember the very first few verses that we were taught in Nav? 1 Cor 10:13 ... will be praying.