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10 March 2005 @ 03:04 am
He's the bestest!  
i know it's already 2am (well, now it's 3) and i really oughta be long asleep considering i've gotta wake at 8am for school in the morning, but i just had to come online and tell the world the good news--i have a God who hears and answers prayers! :) frankly, i was really quite afraid that He wouldn't hear, or that He wouldn't answer even if He hears, and that i'd just be reading and not understanding, not linking, not connecting, not hearing, again, like how it happens sometimes, you know, like it's just not really applicable, or relevant to my life at that point of time... and then, having already said in my journal that i'd surely die of thirst, i was afraid i would (in a sense). so before i actually started reading and stuff, i was just praying and asking that perhaps He'd help me control my emotions... in the sense that, i won't express myself in such extreme language that people think i'm in some manic depression or weird stuff like that, i mean, i think it's just the way i write lah, considering it's the only real proper way i can express myself. i mean, i don't really know if writing the way i do (such that not purposely, but somehow people start thinking there's something very wrong with me), i don't know if i'm being held captive by my feelings/emotions in that sense, but anyway, i just asked that i wouldn't be... and then i flipped to the readings for today...

Romans 8:9-17

i promise you, i think "control" was the exact word i used in my prayer, before i flipped to everyday with Jesus, now you tell me, what are the odds of finding a reading for this day with the exact words you use in prayer right before you started even reading the day's passage? and it's happened to me twice this past week (the exact word/phrase), not to mention other extremely applicable and relevant readings! how could this God not be real?!?!? at that point, i really felt like the Spirit was giving my poor mortal body life... and i suddenly felt like i understood, finally, what they always mean by "streams of living water flowing from within"... and He legitimised me to call out to Him (even as i was feeling that, did i even have a right to type as i did in my previous entry?) because i belong to Him; and by Him i [can] cry, "Abba, Father." and one last thing from just that short passage, remember in my previous entry i talked about suffering and grief for "this little while"? He reminded me that "we share in His sufferings in order that we may also share in His glory". i mean, if i don't find life on earth very enjoyable at all, how much worse could Jesus have found it? still, He came. how nice of Him. and that's putting it way too mildly lor. can anybody believe that one short passage from the bible can instantly lift your spirits 'cos of how deeply it spoke to you? will you ever find such in any other book? truly, "the word of God is living and active. sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow..." (Hebrews 4:12)

Matthew 11:25-30

and then the next little passage. how absolutely applicable to the poor, tired, burdened and wearied soul of mine! :> although i still don't really understand how i may "take [His] yoke upon [myself]", and how His yoke can possibly be easy and His burden light... although i actually don't even understand that at all, because, i mean, i really think it's very hard to be His good girl in a world like this... but hey, He said to come to Him, and He'd give me rest! how much more relevant could He get? when was christianity ever irrelevant, boring or untrue?

so, as much as i had desired sleep/rest, as much as i had dreaded doing quiet time (not least at 2am!), as much as i am an unfaithful, unworthy sinner, God has really been faithful, and merciful, and gracious, and a whole lot more. i asked to hear, i asked that He'd speak, and He answered. and this is exactly what keeps me going. because i know that He's here, He's around, He sees and He hears and He knows and He speaks, He answers prayers, He's real! and that's what makes life worth the living.

so now i'm like too elated to sleep. :]


And I'm forever grateful to You
I'm forever grateful for the cross
I'm forever grateful to You
That You came to seek and save the lost
 
 
Mood: happy
Music: forever grateful