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17 June 2005 @ 05:12 am
wakey wakey!  
thanks for all the nights that i say goodnight and go back to pacing about the house, gazing out windows, even just lying on the sofa, feeling contented, happy, glad, fulfilled and all other nice, good and cheerful-in-a-mellow-way adjectives. sorry i make you yawn your way to work each morning and have to find the weirdest places to catch up on lost sleep. <3 <3

i've broken the news to my tutee's parents and i'll be dropping him end-july. just as he's starting to seem a little more manageable and showing some progress and improvement. i've got him started on and sorta interested in enid blyton books. he's occasionally voluntarily reading aloud now. he's pronouncing words he doesn't recognise more accurately. he's beginning to spell what he hears better. he seems more willing these days to do open-ended stuff without so much cajoling and bargaining. of course, that could be because i've announced i'm going. and of course, there's still a long way to go.

sigh. cliche as this is gonna sound, i shall be leaving part of me behind when i go. it's strange how, when you've spent enough time with somebody, and you've developed that some sorta rapport or that level of comfortabilty with each other, and you leave, i don't know, you just kinda feel like part of you is torn out or something. not that it really hurts bad or what. i'm fond of him, but i'm not all that crazy over him. not the way i'd feel as if part of me would die or that my intellect were ripped out or that nobody in this wide world would ever understand me again if somebody else were to leave me. but still.

still, 舍不得 as i might feel, rationally, it'd probably be a good choice. i wouldn't wanna afford the time when school reopens for me. opportunity cost being leisure. and thinking of the times he might start acting up again, i don't wanna feel frustrated and trapped in the job and stuff. besides, obligations call elsewhere now. alright, selfish reasons, as usual. i really wouldn't mind dropping in once in a while to help out--but strictly commitment-free. but they're not even family friends, so not very proper, i guess. i just feel a little 舍不得 to pass him on to someone else to take over that little bit of progress i've made with him. what if the new tutor pushes him to do loads of assessments on end and is very boring and narrow and doesn't continue to encourage his reading and ends up making him hate school, hate studying, hate learning? not that i was that effective though. would it matter to them that i leave?

alright, i'm anxiety-prone. hate me. :) (: this moment, i'm secure and feel i could live with it. "it" being non-reciprocity. nightzzz.


ps: since the last time nick made an official appearance here was in my 201st entry two years ago, entry number 579 shall have nick in an inspiring drama i'm currently watching about volunteer doctors in africa. errr, his cute gelled hair inspires me. right-click to download its inspiring theme song. :p

right-click to download theme song (3.4mb) (link removed)
 
 
Mood: smiley
Music: tian ya xia yi theme
 
 
 
(Anonymous) on June 17th, 2005 05:44 am (UTC)
hey,
just thought u may wanna tell his dad and/or mom bout the need to inculcate in him the desire to read story books? though they may not respond to ur advice or agree with you....at the very least, you did what you can do? think bout it eh?

feeling sian still...

bye-bye

senny
a little less than the girl next doorin_transit on June 17th, 2005 09:07 am (UTC)
okiez. thanks. :) hope you feel better soon. just because others treat you in a certain way doesn't mean that you have to respond in kind. :) God grant you the strength and will to counter any hostility that comes your way with love and gentleness. i try to make that my personal motto. (though i still fail) not sure it's gonna make you feel any better but will keep you in prayer. :)
(Anonymous) on June 17th, 2005 05:14 pm (UTC)
1. sorry i make you yawn your way to work each morning and have to find the weirdest places to catch up on lost sleep.

did i tell you abt the time when i went to one corner of the room, crawled underneath a chair and slept for 20 mins? and once, i hid behind the cupboard door pretending to look for stuff so that i could catch 2 mins of sleep.

2. not the way i'd feel as if part of me would die or that my intellect were ripped out or that nobody in this wide world would ever understand me again if somebody else were to leave me.

could that somebody else be me? hmmm...

3. alright, i'm anxiety-prone. hate me. :)

in fact, i think i love you for being anxiety prone. heh.

4. i think i wasnt the one who told you about this show cuz i really cant remember nick being a doctor at all, not to mention him saving lives in africa.

5. i LOVE mon-cheri chocolate. hint hint.

6. i wanna pass you some stuff asap. soon, ok?

7. work tmr so i better get to sleep... ZZZzzzzz
a little less than the girl next doorin_transit on June 17th, 2005 06:11 pm (UTC)
1. did i tell you that like you, i hate people who forget what they tell me? hah! and you went to the toilet, sat on the toilet bowl and promptly fell asleep... see, i remember everything you say!

2. oh, that was pretty fast...

3. yay! i think i love you for loving me. hehe.

4. i hate people who don't remember what they tell me. you saw it on some scv channel that i don't have and it was in cantonese and you were the first person to tell me about it. hmph.

5. i'll go check it out. meanwhile, dove pure milk chocolate... no hazelnuts this time, please. :)

5. (alternative answer) take your pick: mon cheri or me? (rhymes!)

6. sunday

7. miss you tonight. goodnight.
the doobfemdog on June 18th, 2005 06:38 am (UTC)
*suspicious*
a little less than the girl next doorin_transit on June 18th, 2005 07:39 am (UTC)
that'll teach you to tell weixiang that i fool around. hiak hiak.
the doobfemdog on June 18th, 2005 02:25 pm (UTC)
*still suspicious*
you better tell me...
a little less than the girl next doorin_transit on June 18th, 2005 03:29 pm (UTC)
my wife is already your husband. what more do you want from me?!?? :p
heavenbluheavenblu on June 17th, 2005 05:52 pm (UTC)
Hey mag I was the one who told u about this show!!
a little less than the girl next doorin_transit on June 17th, 2005 06:12 pm (UTC)
haha yah i remember lah, you told me at 85 mah, right? the day we went to geylang and tried to walk home. except you weren't the first to tell me. hiak hiak. i'm only at episode ten leh, by the way.