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09 September 2003 @ 11:16 pm
it's been two long years...  
mid-afternoon today, i bumped into lippy and friend. i am now very sure he still remembers me. clearer than ever after today, i should think. purposeful eye contact established several (maybe four) times.

in a way, i do such actions because i don't dare, yet i want him to know of my existence. so, i guess, actually i was secretly happy all the while that he kept (making excuses to) turn back to look. especially at the escalators where it was sooo obvious... and later at the exit, where he seemed to be waiting for me to follow.

i wonder if he told his friend. but the friend didn't seem to know. i was thinking, or he (the friend) would surely have turned and stared right? unless they are also gao1 shou3s at secretly pointing out people to observe?

but i really really wanted to establish a serious connection. as in, i seriously considered, at that point of time, asking him for his number. but then at one, so many considerations flooded my mind. i've never asked a guy for his number before. and certainly not in this manner. firstly, what's a senior doing asking for a junior's number??? secondly, will he even give? i'm older for goodness' sake! thirdly... i will seriously let myself down by becoming stuttery and turning red and stuff like that. moreover, my hands and legs felt miserably trembly and my stomach was really churning. how to ask like that??

but at that time, it was really such a good chance! especially when he left his friend's queue to walk into the magazine store. at that corner with him alone, i should have asked! i could have!

but i was just a coward. i just can't go up naturally and ask. i was afraid i'd behave like some fanatic. my hands and voice would shake. i'd turn red. people around would look. he might not let me have his number. he's younger afterall.

i know i probably sound mad. and hua1 xin1 too. but i'm really glad in a way that at least some "remote" connection has been made. and at that duration, all thoughts of nemo really flew out of mind. even after, (perhaps i'm still not over the effects yet) i think i prefer lippy. despite nemo being better (my view) in many many many aspects.

would i feel the same way about him (nemo) if i were to not see him for a prolonged period of time, and then suddenly meet him again along the streets? would i think him the "best" even if i felt lippy beat him hands down? i'm guessing, if i were to feel that way, then maybe it isn't that bad. but if not, am i seriously head over heels with lippy??? even so, what's the point?

sigh, the constraints of society. blame dhs. besides, he may already have someone else. 99.9% he has someone in mind. or maybe he's in close contact with some year one s.p. of his... afterall, that's the norm in vj, right? *sheesh*

and i wonder if some voyuer who might have stumbled upon my past entries could have told him about it. for all i know, he checks frequently for content on himself. afterall, i've realised he really does know me... (and for that, i'm glad)

well, if he does, if you do, i'd really really like to have your number, please. i would never dream of disrupting your mugging for the a's. and if you already have a... significant other, i'd also like to know... so i can go through that process of putting you out of mind. considering how experiences like this can have such a nerve-wrecking effect on me, it'd be a good thing too.

even nemo didn't warrant an entire entry on him. and lippy has, to date, at least three. fine, i'm nuts.
 
 
Mood: indescribable
Music: what if -- kate winslet
 
 
 
(Anonymous) on September 11th, 2003 09:14 am (UTC)

hua1xin1da4wang2!!!

aiyo... finally read ur entry. hee. wah lau... y lippy always gets such long entry??? next time pls dedicate one for me arh... 250 words at least. haha. now i noe y we are going to startbucks agn tmr!!! u all must be excited abt the possibility of bumping into him agn!!! tsktsk.

and lemme re-state my pt : botak's better! haa. sending you into a dilemma... BUT ILA/decent still the best! yay!

nite. cya tmr! =P
a little less than the girl next doorin_transit on September 11th, 2003 06:19 pm (UTC)
hahaha, you're not much better yourself!!! ;p haha... i wonder what i can write about you to get such a long entry... even botak never get that privilege, how can you expect to get it?? heehee. actually i don't expect to see lip there today lor. afterall he only mugs in school. sigh sigh too bad. somemore even if i do see him again, this time he'll prolly be more prepared and won't act like he did that day liao. sighz.

aiyah i think i only like botak when he's laughing leh. don't know lah. must take closer looks next time. haha... and wait wait wait... why you seem to equate ILA and decent into one person???
(Anonymous) on September 11th, 2003 05:40 pm (UTC)
Hai..since auntie soh never fails to post a comment here after ur every entry...even though she sees u quite often in skool too...i have decided to b guest speaker of the day n post sumthing here too...dun be too excited by my presence....have been following ur entries quite closely too....n yupz...in my opinion lippy is better leh...did u tell auntie soh bout how botak turned out when u saw him close up?=P
n botak looked more hua xin than lippy.....yay....going starbucks to study soon...woke up earlier than expected....n feeling very bad towards jogging club now co zthe chariman called me several times...but never blamed me bout my attendance .tell u all more bout it later.see ya at starbucks!!
a little less than the girl next doorin_transit on September 11th, 2003 06:23 pm (UTC)
hm i'm abit confused by how your tastes differ leh. rina says lippy is good but she prefers botak. you don't think either lippy and botak are cute but you prefer lippy. i think both lippy and botak are cute and botak is cuter, yet i prefer lippy. hmmm... ;p

haha maybe the jogging club is desperate for a committee lor! i think you will end up ponning all the time after you join!! hahaha back to the good old days!!
the doobfemdog on September 15th, 2003 06:29 am (UTC)
ahh..finally finally i've read your by now infamous entry.

seriously i'm a bit freaked out by you cos i've NEVER seen you SO head over heels over someone, not even over me. quite sad for me lah, but haha, you sound really really crazy over lippy and i think i shall forgive you. and i think just for that reason alone (you going gaga over him and legs trembling), you should go for him! heehee. yeah, though i've never seen him before. and though you're older.
a little less than the girl next doorin_transit on September 17th, 2003 07:41 am (UTC)
wei how can you be freaked out by me??? you've never seen me so head over heels? sheesh... maybe you don't see me often enough lah. hahaha no lah, think it just hasn't happened to me for quite some time liao lor. ;p

thank you thank you for your support leh. but i don't think i'll ever see him again, as i told you. haha. must show you lip one day so you can compare him and botak!!! yay!
the doobfemdog on September 21st, 2003 12:27 am (UTC)
i'm sorry. even if you show me lippy, i can't actually compare. ok lah, maybe their backs, cos i've only seen botak's back. sheesh. :P