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13 May 2012 @ 06:11 am
"it's only right that they should do so"  
are there people in your life whom in your opinion can do no wrong? those who, ANYTHING they do or think or say makes a whole lot of sense, is perfectly understandable and totally forgiveable? because there are such people in my life. there are in fact A FEW of such people in my life. my sister is one of them.

part of me believes that it is in my psyche to have such people in my life. that is, i NEED to have such people whom i will place on a pedestal to worship and adore; whom i will, if/when the need rises, defend their honour to the end... without even having to know the facts of the matter (i.e. typically irrationally).

in that way, i guess, i'm like a dog - though i'd much rather be thought of as a cat. (one other doggy trait in me is my love for playing frisbee, catch and ball.)

well, of course, no matter how blindly worshipping and adoring the infp fan is, there will inevitably be disappointments, since people are imperfect. this reminds me of how we've been taught since young that God made us like that - we NEED to worship and adore someone, essentially Him; except we somehow always misguidedly go and worship and adore other people and end up having to suffer the repeated needless pain and disappointments in life and feeling that dreadful void that our idols just can't seem to fill.

i believe that. but i still can't help just having these people in my life, who in my head i know that whatever the matter, i'll be on their side and they be on mine (except when it's just a fight/argument between the two of us). i also think this is partly because i have this strange intrinsic need to be loyal, and therefore feel safe in that loyalty - that is, to have a core circle of trust that works both ways.

mayps understood that very well. <-- and this statement means a lot to me, because it's not just that she was in my core circle of trust and i in hers (this is much more easily achievable than my next phrase), but that she UNDERSTOOD very well this concept and i knew she did, and she actively practised it and could be public about it. just a few short months together, and i felt absolutely safe with her; i was in bliss. remembering this makes me miss her. again.

this is another belated response to the question "what was so good about her that made me so crazy in love with her?" that a number of people have asked me.

of course, i also felt that she was good at what she did, which made it much easier for me to adore her from the start; and i was rather reticent at the beginning, but she came to me and opened up first, so naturally, that gave her MANY bonus points for the "safe" AND "authentic" factors, which are VERY important to me.

how easy, it seems, to work yourself into my heart and mind.