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14 December 2012 @ 03:44 am
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dear journal, how do i put this across? i didn't realise, again, that i had left so many little bits of myself everywhere until i returned; it wasn't until i returned that i realised, again, that i had given so many little pieces of my silly little heart to so many people -- what a silly little dreamy infpy thing to be saying!

but, but, part of me really loves them!

how bittersweet -- bitter in that how could i give so much of myself away and allow so many so much access and control enough to evoke such emotions in me, sweet in that surely the reciprocity is proof the sincerity was never spent in vain; sweet in the getting-back of everything i as usual never even quite realised i missed so much until i got them back, bitter in the knowledge that this is but a temporary reunion and that sweet as this all is, other sweet things await back on the other side.

how has my life become just whole big chunks of holidays??? i keep wondering and being scared of when this is all going to end, when i'm really gonna wake up, and when the nightmare's gonna start! but then when my default negativity sets in, i keep reminding myself that it really doesn't matter -- i simply have to make the best of it all while it lasts.