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16 February 2013 @ 02:55 am
don't expect me not to use what i've been taught  
there are many happy things about being back in town for a bit, but tonight, let me just touch briefly on a sad, sad thing. guybrush isn't doing well, and there isn't much i can do about it, given the circumstances. he has to have an elizabethan collar around his neck permanently because he'll bite and pull and scratch out all his fur and basically self-mutilate without it. doctor says he's anxious and autistic. and he's slightly incontinent and also appears to have trouble peeing and pooping within the litter tray even when he's in it.

this evening, i petted him lightly on his shoulder and he suddenly went crazy, like kinda had a fit -- or an anxiety attack, as my sister calls it -- from it. my family has experienced it before but this is the first of guy's fits i've witnessed. i was horrified and felt so, so, so, so bad that i had unwittingly set it off. after he seemed to have gotten over the fit, i immediately tried to make amends by giving him some food and refilling the water in his bowl -- which is really nothing much at all -- only to be described as "pretending to be sympathetic" to the cat.

if i had a kid and i accidentally, perhaps out of a moment's neglect, caused the kid to fall and hit his head and start bawling, i would feel the same and do the same. i would sayang him, say how so, so, so, so sorry i am and offer him food, candy, or some form of distraction; i would be extra gentle with him for a while after that. any normal human being would do the same. guybrush is a kid to me.

there are many things i am unhappy about over this situation, which i don't really want to have to detail here; humane, proposed solutions have all been shot down. i would dig into my savings, give up my three-months deposit and put down a new one for a bigger, pets-allowed apartment and fly him back with me if i did not already know that the journey itself would probably kill him.

a poor, old, sick cat who has no means of effectively communicating his pain and discomfort and bewilderment and unhappiness does not deserve to be treated like a pariah in his own home, 24 hours a day. when i was a kid, i was taught -- given frequent references to real-life human examples of the opposite behaviour in people i actually knew -- about kindness, empathy, that poor, old, sick people -- even animals -- should not be treated like that. guybrush is a person to me.

i do hate, and it is heartbreaking for me, to have what i learnt was a cruel, detestable human nature play out in front of me towards this member of my family whom i love quite unconditionally and have spent the past 14 years with. guybrush is better than any human being; in all his scratching, biting, begging for food, purposeful pooping on shoes, he will never even near that familiar level of malice, manipulation, cruelty and destructive anger a person can have and use. he of all people deserves my unconditional love.

my attitude today towards my cat should be a reflection of how my attitude will be in future towards people in similar situations. please bear that in mind when you try to tell me how to treat my cat.
 
 
 
wokking_ironywokking_irony on February 17th, 2013 04:07 pm (UTC)
oh dear.. i totally feel you.. he's lucky to have you. take care and spend more time with him, he knows you love him
a little less than the girl next doorin_transit on February 27th, 2013 08:03 pm (UTC)
this is a little belated, but thanks. i'm back in hk now, but i hope life is comfy for him back in sg.