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09 May 2013 @ 04:13 am
as i close my eyes to sleep  


re-watching some late 80s, early 90s sbc/tcs channel 8 drama serial theme songs on youtube made me re-realise that life in the past did seem so much simpler, so much more carefree, so much happier...

not that i'm not happy now. but innocence and ignorance were indeed rather blissful...

not that i would now rather return permanently to that state. no wonder God forbade adam and eve from eating from that tree of the knowledge of good and evil...

not that i was particularly good and innocent as a kid -- learnt the concept of lying and began making a frequent practice of it myself by the age of six; started slipping out of school for snacks by age eight, cutting classes by ten; traded perfect spelling scores for perfect 听写 results, mental-sum answers for other benefits; learnt the power of gossip, turning one group against another and vice versa; slowly and sometimes painfully refined the art of covering my tracks...

simple games, those were. and simpler days. as well that one picked those up early so one could tire of them while still young.

but anyway... what i would give tonight to return for a while to that state -- of being a blank white slate, unmarred, uncorrupted, unscarred, unsuspecting...fully secure -- lying half-awake on my mattress with my warm milk bottle after the 10pm(?) drama 最后一个大侠, tv static and muffled family noises a few steps outside, but i have to sleep because i have school the next day.

a sudden thought, that if one day i were to become a parent, i would want to give my kid/s that same feeling and knowledge that one was at home and loved and safe as i had when i was very, very young.

ah, i lie here half-awake on my bed with my trusty iphone after the series of post-offstone serials 新还珠格格, 爱回家 and 谁家灶头无烟火, air-con vibrations and muffled running tap sounds a wall or two outside, but i have to sleep as i have work the next day.

as i lie here, i think, how strange, my memory atlas (my customised version of the memory palace), my repository of episodic memories, they come all flooding back triggered by mere youtubes of late 80s, early 90s sbc/tcs drama serial theme songs.