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21 October 2003 @ 11:14 pm
line of vision; train of thought  
watching "law enforcers" (channel u, weekdays, 9-10pm) again brings me back to those rushing home after german on certain days in order to follow the series... trying to wake in time for the 10.30am repeats of particularly nice episodes on other days... playing the theme songs over and over again on my winamp all because nick cheung sang them......

running on tuesday evenings with femdog and winkibo; and even if i was lazy and didn't run, we'd meet and do something else instead. (and bumping into biye, the ever-disciplined...) my very lax study schedule of german classes on monday and thursday evenings, and peaceful happy strolls down orchard road, sometimes alone, after that, and sometimes going for dinner with friends.

i remember feeling 99.9% satisfied with life -- people would remark what a great difference from jc life it was for me. walking down wheelock place with rina and shuqi one night, the sense of wonder at not having to worry about tutorials undone and common tests to study for came over me not once, not twice. talking on the phone 'til 3 or 4am became a common occurence, especially when no nagging from parents resulted.

we could go out as and when we liked to, the only thing in the way were some temporary jobs, which could easily be pushed aside. i kept swiss/spanish hours in singapore and nobody cared 'cos my family (namely the sister) was doing it too. sleep was at least 12 hours a day... i hardly needed naps anymore since i'd only wake at noon, sometimes aching from too much sleep.

oh, of course i miss those days. but you all also know how i feel about these days. even if btg seems to have disappeared from the face of the earth, even if i'm in serious danger of flunking my eu, even if i was sick last week and my last few assignments and tests didn't feel like they're gonna be great... i still don't know much about "real purposes in life" and stuff like that, but for once, i feel like i'm on my way to being a happy and good person.


in sec 3/4, i managed more or less to pick up the pieces; in jc, i spilled some again, the long break... it resulted in many good things, which possibly smoothed my transition to life-now. i think that's where things started looking up, up, upper still, and am upsten. ;p

today, the 15 bus passed the block of flats in front of which i used to wait for the 55 bus to school in jc. i remembered counting the storeys to see if it were any higher than the thirteen storeys in my block...... that must have been the prelim period. i never finished counting, anyway. am i glad i didn't... i was shown the futility of jumping a few sundays ago, at the foot of my neighbouring block. besides, i believe that all living creatures were built with a will to survive. suicide, i believe, is an impulse. even as you lie dying, you struggle to breathe, your heart fights to pump... really, you wanna live.
 
 
Mood: contemplative
Music: trying -- lifehouse
 
 
 
(Anonymous) on October 23rd, 2003 06:44 am (UTC)

hey! i like this entry. well-written. shall giv u an A+! haha.

brought back some nice memories of the earlier part of this yr, when we were all so 'free'. not that im complaining abt my workload now (since i am THE mugger... 10x2u&senny, even jennifer calls me that now! hee.) but it was certainly q an enjoyable lifestyle. cant wait for the hols to come agn! we must play hard k???!!! &lemme tag along w u to HK leh... haa.

and yes, LIVE LIVE LIVE!!! really glad that life's looking up for you now. this life we have is so precious and exciting. live for Him (esp when u feel that u hav cme to end of urself). it's worth it. =P

so what is it abt botak that u heard? frm who??? did he really quit liao? im q worried for you arh... he really seemed to have disappeared. go ask spencer la!
a little less than the girl next doorin_transit on October 25th, 2003 08:04 am (UTC)
eh i asked my dad about whether my sis' friend is also going to hk with us, but he says probably not... and that's because my dad's a control freak and doesn't welcome other people on our trips. sianz hor... hehe paiseh too bad... maybe next time to some nearer place... or we could go for a short trip somewhere next time (minus family). ;>
the doobfemdog on October 25th, 2003 09:43 am (UTC)
smile :)
hey nice entry. gonna put it in my memories.
i dunno what to say, except it's a very good one.

and i'm glad you are happy. very glad because it's just good, isn't it?
i'm glad also because if you're happy, at least someone will cheer me up since i'm always in a bloody bad mood these few days due to a certain frenchman and the mountain-pile of work.
so, i'm counting on you. :)
a little less than the girl next doorin_transit on October 26th, 2003 06:25 am (UTC)
Re: smile :)
wow i never knew you save other people's entries into your memories too! thanks alot... haiyah... got more to say in thanks to you, but don't know how to go about it here without turning this comment into another entry. hehe. and no time somemore. oh well, next time... if this thing i wanna talk about is still bothering me.

count on me, singa-zhenqi-pore!