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21 March 2004 @ 02:17 am
part of why i call Him God  
i realised at the end of the alpha discussion tonight that i had a missed call on my cell so i called back straight away. after the initial greetings and stuff and the gist of the purpose for the call, the person said, "oh you're at church now right?" then i said, "hey yah how'd you guess?" to which he replied, "hey i mean where else would the oh so devoted and pious magdalene be right?" to which i was struck speechless.

this is the same person who told me, "hey i tell you something, no offence to you, but when i look at girls, i also consider whether they are christians or not, because sometimes christian girls, their devotion can be so scary... if i marry a christian girl, sometimes maybe even my children will have to go to church......" and i really didn't know how to respond to this at that time, and neither do i know how to now anyway.

this is one guy who's oh so prone to shooting his mouth off (regarding my first paragraph). not that he said what he did tonight with malice intended or what, at least not that i think i detected, but still, that sentence, in my opinion, sounds to me to be rather... sarcastic wouldn't be exactly apt here... it's like the words "devoted" and "pious" are used here in such a way that the world looks down on those who possess such qualities. it's like a shame, a disgrace, something laughable, something people mock and scorn at.

not that i am at all "devoted" or "pious", i'm like way far from that. and not that i'm like trying to deny these qualities 'cos of the connotations the world attaches to them, in fact i wouldn't really mind being exactly that -- i'm sure if i could really live my life that way, it would be such great joy -- no more anxiety, perfect peace, perfect peace.

after all those "not that"s, i wonder why he's mocking at me. why is he scornful of my faith? i get kinda heated up when thrown stuff like that. i never laugh at you for being a freethinker or buddhist or taoist or whatsoever, i never look at non-christians condescendingly or with pity or whatever (contrary to what moonstone and french lieut might suggest), i never say that "hey your godlessness is so scary, how do you survive without God in your life" or stuff like that, why do you say such things about me?

it is so good to have Someone to go to everytime, any time, any place. have you ever for some moment in your life felt so desperate for something and had no one to turn to, or the only people you could turn to were totally powerless to help? maybe stuck on the bus in the middle of a jam and running really late for an exam? so anxious in the crowded mrt, bodies so close yet so estranged a people? clueless about which direction your life should take? disappointed, hurt and angry; despaired; confused? there IS Someone to turn to! and He isn't powerless to help! so many a time prayers have been answered, even the most trivial of trivialities. it really is, in the times of our weaknesses, that His strength really shines through! "...my power is made perfect in weakness." 2 Cor 12:9

and that isn't the only reason for my faith (for the lack of time and space), trust me! not that i'm worthy of anybody's trust, but at least, trust Him! small wonder so many people come to Him each day; sad for the people who fall away from Him each day. Praise God for the people who come to You each day! Praise God for shuqi! and terry! the joy, the peace, the completeness, the everything that comes with the experience of Him is just addictive; i yearn for more. which explains when i tend to fall away, i feel lousy and incomplete, and simply wrong. wo bu yuan li kai precisely because of the joy i have in You. (that keeps me awake at 2am, typing)

yes, christians are a bunch of weak people (who admit they are weak) who need a God (i.e. the one and only). yes rina, and thanks! who doesn't occasionally need a pillar to lean on? why try so hard to climb our way to independence? it's never truly attainable, is it? no man is an island anyway (thanks to john donne, and lee phui man for reinforcing...). dump the ladder, forget the walls, tear down the bricks! stop speculating on my cap score, quit comparing myself with others, drop my german notes and REST IN HIM!

funny how this entry started off being pissy over a person's words. only to realise i don't really care what they say or what they think. not that i don't totally care anymore, but that the joy He has to offer supremely overwhelms that wee leee-tle tinge of "care". i shall go to church all i want. :)
 
 
Mood: jubilant
Music: faithful father -- brian doerkson
 
 
 
the doobfemdog on March 21st, 2004 06:00 am (UTC)
hahaha! i guess the more you wrote about your faith, the happier you got, isn't it? that's good. :)
(Anonymous) on March 21st, 2004 06:51 am (UTC)
Oh my gosh mag..this is such a good entry...yar..n itz really amazing how ur anger wif the guy dissolved gradually as u type this entry....it sounds so much like rina's incident wif ehr CTW partner...God's love is at work again!Praise the lord!N I will continue to pray for you and the other alpha group members...
Shuqi