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16 May 2004 @ 09:51 pm
guess what keeps me writing?  
so we may not be going to hongkong after all.

firstly, we're on standby, since they're staff tix; and the seats are filling fast... but then, that happens all the time. secondly, it's pretty "inconvenient" getting accomodation for an odd number, since the sister isn't going this time. thirdly, nobody really wants to waste their leave and go, anyway... nobody but me, and why? 'cos i have three whole months of vacation, nowhere to travel to, and we coulda caught spring or fall somewhere, had it not been for... minor messes and major irritants everywhere......

but if we do go, that's tuesday morning.


my results will be out tuesday evening. no fear, no fear... *bip bop bip bop* (and that's supposed to sound like a thumping heart) but surprisingly, i'm not really apprehensive this sem; not too many bad dreams about the exams and results as with last sem. isaiah 43 -- the song playing in my head throughout my 2131 paper.

i'm done with wheel of time book ten: crossroads of twilight. i don't really wanna start on the first prequel: new spring yet, although i'd already got the book for my birthday in march. i'm still afraid robert jordan'll... die... before he completes those prequels, or right after he finishes them. then we'll be left with no continuation to book ten, no settling conclusion, and we're still three books shy.

right now, i'm dealing with death in venice (thomas mann) and the umbrella man, and skin (roald dahl). still on the shelf are alice in wonderland and all quiet on the western front. and borders has such a limited collection of books as compared to kino! i've got a bunch of german homework i'm too lazy to start on, and class is tomorrow. *dread* now, what did i get myself into??


and God continues to work wonders in life each day.

i'm still amazed at how often i seem to be faced with commanding scripture -- some particular will, bringing to light some particular verse or passage. okay, it goes something like this... very often, i'll see or hear this one special verse somewhere, stumbling upon it seemingly accidentally. and sometimes this even happens more than once. and then the next thing i know, i hear it again at sermon, or one of the readings, and then it gets explained and stuff (i think, so that the meaning and will of God can be properly drilled through my thick head). and i must say that, i so totally don't at all think that it can be any coincidence. i mean, think about it, maybe the verse is a particular, frequently used one, maybe the whole world knows it. but what happens is that, these verses may be so, but they usually never strike me as anything special... yet when it finally does strike me, i find it oh so relevant to my current situation, and the verse will be repeatedly brought to my attention.

and i shall try to share... even if it isn't always exactly pleasant... hee~


today's (or this week's) commanding scripture for me was john 5:14. i first came across it in the wee hours of thursday night, reading nicky gumbel's searching issues on the chapter of why does God allow suffering? (and that's the very first chapter of the book... God must have wanted to make sure i was awake enough to register that in my mind!) somewhere, amongst a bunch of other references, it gave reference to that particular verse. i actually prefer the verses to be presented nicely on the page i'm reading from, and i don't usually flip the bible to check up those verses, but somehow, that night, i did. i guess you could say, after the past week or two of "down time", i was eager to "get well", and figuratively, i did say "yes, i wanna get well!" and that i did by referring back to the bible. i must say that the bible isn't always my best friend... in fact, i don't always lurrvvee reading it, and sometimes, i actually avoid it for days. and hey! God didn't let me down, even for that little effort of flipping through His Word, although i didn't exactly know it 'til after this morning.

already, thursday night, it just crossed my mind as to why Jesus would be so mean as to say such a thing in john 5:14 to the very man he had just healed. to me, it actually sounded like some sorta threat... "See, you are well again. Stop sinning or something worse may happen to you." turns out it's not! i guess it's something like telling a long-time chain smoker just recovered from serious lung cancer (if it's actually heal-able), "see, you are well again. stop smoking or something worse may happen to you." it's not so much of a threat but a timely reminder (or warning, if you like) to keep us out of harm's way! and to keep us out of harm's way, is to go straight down to the root of the problem, and solve it! (i.e. if smoking causes lung cancer, stop smoking lah!)

for me, that shouts out very clearly, "see, you are well again, i have made you well again; you are on the right standing with me again, i have reinstated you, our relationship has now been restored. now, be good, follow me closely, don't leave me again, or things, when they go wrong, could get worse than before i rescued you..." and that reminds me of matthew 12:43-45, it runs kinda parallel, please do read it. before all this "down time" and crap happened recently, i was actually very firmly told, "keep watch, keep watch, keep watch!" time and again. yet, i was wayward, i think i did try, but not very hard, and li4 bu4 cong2 xin1 somemore. thankfully, through His infinite grace and mercy, i've been kept from spiralling downward...

see, this is how He keeps me yearning for Him...


think it's all a coincidence? think i'm reading all too much into things? think i'm gradually morphing into some crazy dangerous fanatic?

all my entirelife (not that it's been that long), i have never, ever shed a tear for being touched by anything, or anyone. (note: though i have often cried for anger, helplessness etc.) even if i ever did feel close to tears for being touched, watching movies or even in the navigators, i never actually did.

He broke me down, surrounded by a large group of people i never imagined breaking down in front of. He broke me down at the meer utter of His Name, trying to tell a group of people who already knew, that He is THE ONE AND ONLY. i wonder how much worse, how much harder it could go for me, trying to tell those who don't.

that was my first real taste of true conviction. and this conviction is what leads me on.
 
 
Mood: touched
Music: reaching for You -- hillsongs
 
 
 
jEsSicAjewelintheworld on May 16th, 2004 12:53 pm (UTC)
conviction is often the one that leads us, not preference.
pray that you'll do well =)
a little less than the girl next doorin_transit on May 17th, 2004 09:04 am (UTC)
yes. thank you. :)
(Anonymous) on May 16th, 2004 10:32 pm (UTC)
Hey, im not as good as u with words ar...

THANK YOU for this post though...been feeling a little confused with the things that have been happening. I think you know wat they are...Reminds me of my need to keep watch all the time too...

Lastly, I like the 2nd para. However, being an engineer, I cant put my thoughts into words as good as you....hahahaha...so ar...u figure out why i like tat para tat much ar...

And bout the repeating verses...mine this week had been 2 particular words: "God's glory". Seemed to have a better/clearer understanding of what it refers to...(i hope lar) share with u my thoughts personally when i do see you...