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28 June 2004 @ 01:21 am
little x  
i just finished watching the show selena on channel five. it wasn't until almost towards the ending that i came to the sudden realisation that the show was about selena, the singer. and it wasn't until the very end of the show that i found out that she had died at the age of 23, in 1995, after being shot by some woman who was supposedly her best friend, who had made off with her money and stuff. i haven't heard her "thinking of you" for the longest time, since my 'great depression' in jc2, where i had promptly fallen in crush with the guy who had given me the song, because it provided much music therapy during the a level prelims peak period. so when it played, my (arm) hair stood on its ends. what a time, amidst all this death and pain and suffering that's been around me these past weeks, to out of the blue sit down and watch a show for a break, only to realise right at the very ending, that it's about another death again. sigh. this leads me again to ecclesiastes... meaningless, meaningless, utterly meaningless, everything is meaningless... but there is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven... not knowing when i might leave, i will hafta be extra careful not to stray from the narrow path. nevertheless, even as some people leave, others are brought into the world, and still others are brought into eternal life. there is always cause for praise to the Lord, hallelujah. :)

of church camp, i realise that this entire past week, at the very least 75% of all my time has been spent with a certain group of people. last saturday, i might have seen a couple of them; last sunday, i definitely saw a bunch of them; the whole of monday to thursday was spent with them all; and the day after we return, that is, friday, i spent the most part of it with them again. saturday was a free day from them, and today, that is, sunday, i met them once again. honestly, saturday did feel a little weird from not seeing the bunch of them... i get accustomed to some stuff simply too quickly. church camp, unlike alpha weekend, wasn't focussed on a sudden high -- the spontaneous(?) infilling of the Holy Spirit. rather, it was more of living and sharing together in a community. of course, if our entire spiritual lives were to depend on the anticipation of 'sudden high's as in alpha weekend, that might eventually turn out rather empty. i thought church camp went rather well, and i really did quite enjoy it, though it might have seemed rather un-happening as compared to alpha weekend. alpha weekend had its focus on the guests of the church, whilst the church camp already assumes integration into the family of Christ. i got to know a precious few people much better. certain communicative barriers were removed, and i got so inspired and encouraged by one main person, it was so wonderful to hear of all her stories. i also learnt a whole lot from my own little experiences throughout the four days. shan't elaborate.

i also sorta renewed my little teeny-weeny bit of affection of a long-past, really ancient friend of mine. *grin* i remember the girl who sat next to me in upper sec, melissa is her name... she once told me, if you ever liked somebody, there'll always remain in you that tiny little space in your heart, a soft spot for that person. she said that in relation to herself, that was in 1999 i think. at that time, i thought immediately about *him*, let's call him little x. after all, i didn't have much experience in liking people at that time mah, so he was the only one dating so far back. and that time, i thought it impossible that i might ever preserve any 'other type of liking' for him. not that i have now been proven wrong, i'm not saying that i am in like with a new person now... it's just that, maybe i don't have so many bad feelings against him anymore... not that i did in the first place, it's just that after what i did against him when we were kids, and what happened in sec2, i didn't ever wanna speak to him again. but of course i did... or he did. :P he told me i could toast my bread. :D what dumb little things i take note of. i always have something for guys who're fond of kids (though not all), and he's crazy over them. i hope to darnedness that he doesn't hold what i said to him in a fit of anger on the last day of kindergarten against me, not a word was true; but part of me just keeps on suspecting that he never forgot, 'cos i never did, at least. his family is so attractive... sigh. double sigh... i realise this entire paragraph probably doesn't make sense at all. it's all about me saying i've no crush on little x, yet at the same time saying so much more. hai...... well it's not a serious one, at least...

finally, these couple of days back after camp, i've also learnt a couple of stuff. one is a really timely story which tells me to treat holy communion with respect. not that i feel like i didn't before, but it was nevertheless a timely story lah. and the next is about leaving my wallet on the cab on the way to church this morning. very thankfully, i got it back within the half hour. but instead of merely teaching me caution, i learnt the danger of the sense of infallibility. i was secretly irritated at the messiness and carelessness of my sister, and some of you might know that i've always been considered the more careful and neat of the two of us. but anyway, to cut the long story short, what a perfect time to lose my wallet, haha. i think God only wanted to open my eyes to that issue, 'cos of all days, my dad happened to ask for a receipt from the cabdriver today, and i found out that my wallet was missing within about ten minutes, and after some calling up the comfort office and stuff, the cabbie returned and i got it back and didn't get scolded. yay.

so who says camp wasn't great?
 
 
Mood: awake
Music: thinking of you -- selena