been feeling terribly lethargic the whole day, dunno why. pleaded headache since very slow news day today and so knocked off work 2h early, slept for 4-5h and woke up for dinner but still feel like cannot do anything at all and must straight away go and tangping again. feels a little unusual tbh. but physically i feel well other than eyes seem to want to shut on me. kinda have things to do but thanks to this sudden onset of severe lethargy, am just gonna push that to tomorrow instead. i can’t even focus on candy crush and it’s such a waste of the 2h free colour bombs and wrapped candies they’ve given me lol. out for now.
dear friends, i think it’s time we set up new chat groups with friends and family on apps that aren’t just whatsapp or fb or ig. one down, all down. suddenly feel a bit handicapped and realise how almost entirely reliant on these three same-company-owned products we have become in recent years. i realised only today that of my immediate family members, my sister doesn’t even have wechat. now the only app i’m on in which groups of people i know are actively chatting is google hangouts (work ppl, lol). and maybe twitter, but that’s more like just news.
somehow i feel a little uncomfortable with that idea of being suddenly cut off from knowing that everyone else is online with me and can reply instantly if they wish, though strictly speaking my phone is on dnd mode cos i’m already in bed and i won’t even be checking my phone or replying. p.s. i’m also on wechat, telegram, signal, discord, clubhouse (mainly voice) and maybe some others too. add me wherever, and if we already have existing chat groups on wa/fb/ig, i really think we should set up backup groups on at least one of these other apps too!
the reason i'm here and updating at length on my plants now is because i'm once again procrastinating... on coming up with a big pitch. really zzz, maybe i really shouldn't even bother, or maybe i shall just do it after work tomorrow. i watched the whole of squid game in two sittings, from past midnight on saturday to 6+am, then slept till about 11am and woke again to finish the last two epis by about 2pm. it was entertaining... the same way i like hunger games, maze runner and all my zombie, vampire, epic fantasy and superhero flicks, lol. but less thought-provoking and disturbing than parasite, imo. and then i went and did some (grocery-ish) shopping at tampines and had sarpino's for dinner and chucked the leftovers in the fridge. also, resumed watching a bit of hospital playlist cos it's just a soothing mostly mindless show to watch. i'm supposed to get my hep a vaccine on monday. and i really wish i had the whole of october off. feel tired and frankly a bit burnt outty, though i feel like i cannot quite justify to myself that i should feel burnt out. i mean, i've really been through much much worse and for years on end, so what does this count at all compared with my "sufferings" in the past? some more even then, i never concluded that i was ever burnt out, just immensely jaded and disillusioned. that's why i enjoy immersing myself in all these fantastical shows.
alright, i shall go to bed. my plan for the morrow includes doing annanas before work starts at 2pm, shaping up my pitch after work from 11pm, and reminding myself to get my hep a vax on monday, my day off, and probably having to log on anyway to attend the pitch meeting. tiredzzz...oh, oh, and i like this soothy song, but i think it's like the type you'd play at somebody's wedding lunch reception or during their wedding slideshow.
did this one yesterday, as, well, i'm a very lazy low-impact person who really doesn't like to move too much or too quickly. i feel like my resistance band, while looking somewhat the same size as hers, doesn't seem to offer much resistance - like 戴了好像没戴 做了好像没做. dunno. but this video definitely has TOO MANY squats, especially in the first half. but otherwise, as long as it doesn't cause knee pain (yet), it's actually quite easy.
so, now that i'm done with the 3rd day in my 4-day stretch of work... shall i take a nap cos i'm damn tired? or do annanas, or open a new pot of tomato or brinjal? think maybe i'll do the nap zzz.
we'll be into the final stretch of the year tomorrow. some time when i'm free, must look back at what i said i wanted to do this year and what are the chances of meeting those loose goals. nightz for now.
suddenly am told today that i have to pitch my big pitch of the year by end of the week if i hope to do one at all this year. actually feel very tired to do any thinking and research and coordination at all, not to mention work on ppt slides again to put the message across succinctly. but if i let this opportunity slip me by, i dunno... last year, it was my chance in my first year in this place to show i was more than just your run-of-the-mill staff; this year, it's a chance to show that i'm not just a one-hit wonder; next year, i'll probably feel a need to show i'm a consistent top performer... when will this end? and yet if i let it go, i will probably go about feeling like, "i could have done this!", "i could have done better!", etc etc.
i always think that 与其 be a "小人物" spending your life complaining and thinking that you're so much better than everyone else and know so much more about the best/right ways to do things and yet have not been "发掘"ed by the powers that be, 不如 jump right in and plough in the effort to do it yourself to prove it to yourself and the world that your way works and that you're good (and if you fail, then you know that you're not as great as you thought you were!). it was the same argument/decision i faced when i took on my society team years back. would you rather have control over all these imperfect things that you think aren't done well enough now, or just be content to continue being an armchair critic?
it's definitely a lot more work personally trying to do or right something yourself, than to just sit by and be a backseat driver. frankly i also dunno whether it will pan out, and if in the end, it will truly be worth it or not. always afraid of hard work, always afraid of failure, always afraid that the rewards will not be commensurate with the effort. same old questions all the time. all the conundrums of life, sighz. no promises for now, but i shall try to give the pitch some thought.
and here's one of my fave songs from the annanas videos. esp when doing shoulder taps, lol.
my next four-day 5/6am work week starts in a little over four hours. feel a sense of dread. definitely not as bad as the dread i used to feel every day back at the bubblegum, so i guess that’s still a good thing. covid cases are getting bad; trying to do a little bit more self-isolating after a family friend’s bro found himself positive a day after giving my mum a lift to church, and my mum had also spent the day with that family friend. so far other than the bro, all seem well and/or have home-tested negative, but shall have to see.
i did do two sessions of annanas last friday, after which i went 85 with the parents and failed to bring back any new plants but did bring back eight bbq chicken wings, lol. did not have any bbt over the weekend nor watched any hospital playlist or netflix for that matter. seriously what exactly did i do, i also can’t really remember now, except that my dayima visited. wanted to order pizza several times but was thwarted by food already cooked/bought by the parents. wanted to repot some plants too but not enough soil and lazy; need a lot of proper space planning one, you know.
this new week from tomorrow, i expect to wake at 5am, nap 330-730pm, have dinner and potter around a bit before sleeping again ~12mn, and repeat. dunno if i can find it in me to fit in annana’s new exercises tomorrow (which means i skip nap and should then be in bed by 9pm). i don’t wanna keep complaining but i really find these early morning shifts severely limiting, not only in my personal life but also in creativity and thinking up new ideas for work because i’m just constantly anxious about not getting enough sleep.
maybe i should order in pizza and bbt toms to make myself feel better. also my sweet potato leaves are really lush now so i guess can have a small harvest soon. and i applied for a (two) allotment plots at bedok town park; hope we get (at least) one so that i can use my various vegetable seeds and not have to keep rationing space at the corridor and wishing that the neighbour would sell his flat to my family, lol. i mean, it would really be a dream if my sister could move here too but the neighbours don’t seem to be planning on moving any time soon.
God help me get through this other painful early morning four-day work week. amen.
p.s. jarch, pls keep us updated on your annanas attempts too, lol.
sept 15, 4.20pm: very uninspired and am gonna 偷睡 for another little while after writing a grand total of 400 words. somemore have to wake up 5am the next day. zzz.
sept 17, 11.30pm: i've been sleeping, waking and working very weird hours indeed this entire week. because the thought of just starting on any of my writing assignments puts me to sleep straight away, i've been snoozing a lot in the day and then later rushing work through the night and setting alarms to wake up for interviews. in between, i've also had to do my normal supeing shifts from 5/6am, which was quite a mess and very half-hearted cos my mind was almost entirely on my writing and finding new experts rather than on covering the day's range of news items. it's basically doing a reporter's, editor's and copytaster's job all at the same time, zzz.
because of my constant day-time snoozing, my dad started to ask me if i was also constantly sleepy in hk and wondered out loud if the herbal drinks he's been boiling have been too "liang" for me that's why causing my ridiculously low energy levels, lollol. i had to admit that the thing that was putting me to sleep was really just the thought of having to write another lengthy covid overview. even now, i'm procrastinating on my final story for the week... it's really like back to uni days, when j and i would always leave all our termpapers and even theses until the very last minute and then chiong through the night to submit some crap. my messed-up sleep/wake routine is pretty bad though. wanted to take a week or two of leave in october to catch a breather, but then i've missed the deadline for leave requests for next month, super fml.
p.s.: i do realise that my journal entries are just full of me whole day saying that i want to sleep and don't want to work. but i don't really care haha.
so today i had to stop work abruptly and waste one extra test to force my dad to re-test because he arrived at my place to tell me loudly about how he thinks he saw a faint red line on his test. (like, if you think that, (1) why didn't you immed re-test, and (2) why did you still leave home and come here?) yet yesterday, after i sent them a pic of my clearly negative test result at 7pm, he tried to force me to re-test again at 8pm cos apparently my mother told him earlier in the day that she thought she saw two red lines on her test. why didn't he make her re-test immed then, and instead tried to make me take two tests within a 1-hour timeframe when my first one was already clearly negative. for a person who frequently declares loudly to us at home about how smart and logical and worldly wise he is, i really can't see the logic in all his actions.
but scold them already then you end up feeling bad about it after that. you don't see people going around telling others that they might be hiv-positive or they "think" their hiv test result was positive when they have no confirmation whatsoever right? (p.s. all of our tests eventually came out negative, btw.)
anyway, i've been suffering from too-frequent leg/calf/thigh cramps lately (only one leg, mainly). like tingles, muscle spasming and the beginnings of painful leg cramps several times a day. dunno what's wrong. don't really think i've been drinking too little water lately, but shall try to increase my fluid intake a bit. also dunno whether is my posture (like curling up my legs against my chest too much when i'm seated), maybe it is. but then i get these cramps in bed sometimes too, as well as in normal daytime. whatever.
have a new crush from hospital playlist after being forced to watch it by a friend. and their songs are really good. back to work, talk laters.