hello. this week's work schedule was another one of those messy ones that screwed up my sleep cycle a bit. ended up repeatedly waking from 4am in case i missed the 6am shift, then starting up at 515am to make sure all would be fine. then did one day 3pm, then got assigned to something else for the rest of the week that took me entirely off the schedule. then to prepare mentally for my assignment and while waiting for expert replies (12 of 16 never came and two of those that did were rejections), i slept 14h at my parents' place cos too tired to move, and neglected my plants for a day and a half.
the next day, i went home to two pots of miserably wilting mint and citronella, it was frankly quite funny, lol. so i immediately watered them (and the others), and the mint quickly revived, but after two days, the citronella still seems terribly wilty and struggling; only about three stalks perked up after the watering and more sun. might have to deadhead them eventually, but i lazy.
also, my dad told me to give up on the vegetables cos they are too high maintenance, lol. shall see... as my bokchoys are progressively dying due to a massive fungus gnat infection, and i'm also starting to find them too time-consuming. i got rid of a first infestation by mixing neem oil with soap and water, and spraying them down gently, but it was really quite troublesome and not very nice smelling.
also, have been unable to utilise the sunniest areas outside because the neighbour's renovation left an immensely thick coat of dust (including on my plants initially outside). such that i had to bring them all in and hose them down; and a planterbox of amaranth red seedlings immediately died under the renovation dust. the guava's velvety leaves continue to bear ugly wet reno dust smudges that just cannot be removed. at least new leaves have formed and many old ones have dropped (not sure if that's really a good thing, though). also windows, grilles and gate are coated in that thick dust now, which, being very lazy, i shall hire someone to come and clean when they're finally done.
just now, while waiting the entire day for my graphic to be done, i added some supposedly high-quality aroid potting mix to my monstera, which has been doing pretty well but has had a very low soil level ever since i removed all its overly moist coco husks. now the soil looks pretty but hope it doesn't do the plant any harm. you know, part of the reason i post here is so that i can track when i last watered the monstera and pothos. did m.d tonight, devil's ivy on monday (july 5), and i guess i should probably check on the other pothos tomorrow. i have, true to my word, left them largely alone for the last 10 days and they still look fairly happy, lol.
on my latest assignment... first of all, i want to say that i'm glad i can now finally go to sleep again without an undone story hanging over my head. i did my usual waiting until the last minute for comments to come in, then decide to ownself goreng something at 10pm, finish story at 7am, went to bed until noon, then woke up to check on feedback and commission charts, etc. i actually find this a very good routine.
got another compliment from laoban just now. it made me wonder if everyone gets one every time they write something, but also made me feel grateful that there are good things about this place and that my time here doesn't feel anywhere like it's over yet, despite sporadic gripes. i didn't apply for that big-name role after all. dragged my feet on it for two weeks and didn't submit my cv, then the headhunter ownself came back to tell me that they've decided to consider other candidates. and to be honest, i actually felt quite relieved and much happier afterwards. i was afraid i would apply and do my best and get the job, since the opportunity had presented itself and it'd be stupid not to try. then i was afraid that the pay would be so good that i'd be compelled to take it even if i didn't really want to leave, because it'd be stupid not to, and that it'd end up being another round of instability, uncertainty, and unhappiness at what i was doing. i think i can do the job, and have also done some version of it when i was much younger; but already in 2018, i chose not to go down that track after some advice from some wiseguy, because it doesn't "create"; the work, while still some form of journalism, is more about "propagation".
so there, on my latest assignment, i felt again happy that i had the freedom and flexibility to turn an initial assignment with some straightforward direction into something else entirely that i'm personally interested in and want to discuss. i think if i were my own boss, i probably wouldn't be very happy working for myself, cos i'm quite a lot more micro-managey in terms of angling. also felt glad to be equipped with the ready tools within myself to make up for a gross lack of expert comments.
i just want to say that i did feel paiseh and self-conscious and guilty to be going around pressing these global health experts to study some relatively meaningless ranking compared with the urgency and importance of the work they are doing. i also felt embarrassingly privileged to be in a near-zero-covid country, discussing "exit plans" like 纸上谈兵 while many of these experts' own countrymen are lying on stretchers struggling for breath outside hospital parking lots and so on. they aren't even thinking of any exit, they're just still struggling to contain their situation. it does feel like singapore is in something of its own bubble, while many of those around us, many of our closest neighbours, are suffering.
in conclusion, i was glad for this random and in fact not particularly interesting assignment, that allowed me to write it in such a way that it reflected my own sincere views and analyses of the matter. like, i'm granted a voice, a platform, couched as some form of journalism, and i actually get paid for it! it's like the time in uni when we'd watcc grey's anatomy because we loved it, and then we'd turn it into our termpaper topic just so we could do what we enjoy and kill two birds with one stone. and then still get A for it. michelle lazar definitely knew what we were up to, lolz.
because i feel so pleased with myself today, i'm now a bit afraid that i'll get some nasty reader feedback or error on the page tomorrow. fingers all crossed that just because i've mentioned it already, it won't happen. my silly little superstitions haha. goodnight.