the topmost fear constantly on my mind is a repeat of what happened with "my biggest mistake". and the very worst thing is, it's not even as if 我没有人追... hell. sigh.
i don't hate my introverted, meek and mousy, wallflower, fade-into-the-background, seemingly "pushover"-like character, but i sure hate how totally unattractive, unappealing, and tear-out-your-hair-screaming boring it is to people. it's always everyone else, anyone else, my best friend, but me.
dear God, thank You so much for Your protection from every single one of my multitudes of crushes; thank You for preservation of my purity. i guess i do know that if You hadn't made stuff all turn out no-go's, i'd seriously be in deep muddy dirty muck; i'd feel so totally ack... and cheap. urgh. people are gonna think, there she goes again, making herself feel better by saying all this... but You said to give thanks... hard as it is. :< seriously, at the end of each and every crush, i really have You to thank for Your ultimate PROTECTION! (even for non-crushes) You're all-knowing, perfect-sighted, and wise beyond all measure... but i just can't help whining when i'm still stuck in my tiny narrow worldview, unable to see the future, the perfect plan, you have, all mapped out for me! so, save me, okay?
hm, i think i really have some issues about being made in Your image... talk to You more about it tonight. 2 Corinthians 12:9, my verse... but i really can't imagine how Your power may rest on me with regard to this... totally cannot imagine.
a little less than the girl next door ==> a whole lot less than the girl next door. is my worth in my cap score, my academics, my intelligence, my looks, my physical etc.? i know it isn't supposed to be, but God, it's not my fault, it's the world, it's world pressure (cf. peer pressure)... help me to hold out on Your hope, okay?
sorry for being whiny and pouty. also, please help me to understand my financial accounting. thanks a whole lot for listening, and thanks for making me smile again. and i ask all these my prayers in my wonderful Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ's most precious Name. amen.