a little less than the girl next door (in_transit) wrote,
a little less than the girl next door

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of the crowding of the mind, and some vanity

i have many things on my mind; schoolwork--my various projects, midterms and quizzes ranking topmost on the list. on top of all that, social commitments, and plans for the near, foreseeable future. but nothing really is bugging me badly at the moment, and maybe that's because tomorrow's my free day! whoo-hoo! but i still hafta go to school... talk about commitments... but aw, i'm still pretty fine with that... at the moment... :) cell's gonna be held in (or at?) my home tomorrow evening. let's hope real hard that guybrush'll be a good handsome cat tomorrow and impress them all. tomorrow, tomorrow, tomorrow......

about the past saturday, alpha weekend away wasn't too bad. i have nothing extremely fantastic to report this time round (not that i didn't gain anything at all out of it though), but i think erqing might have, heehee, refer to her blog if you're interested. :> of course, i was glad for the bit of time i got to talk a little to auntie diana again; i think she's quite a wonderful person. managed to get something off my chest, which had been bothering me at the back of my head occasionally for a long time now. if i can never hope to get it through to him, at least i've had the chance to explain it to his mum. and i can't believe i was already so forward as a young kid of four! and i could write in complete sentences and spell "love" already! fainted... i wonder what they must have thought of me then... but oh, he must have been such a good, kind, sensitive, reciprocative boy already last time. sheesh... i'm an even bigger joke in their family than he is in mine... but his family is simply so fantastic, awww...

through the talk we had on saturday about that part of my childhood, i've come to learn that we (the general "we") can possibly be together for a (prolonged?) period of time, and when it's time for us to go our individual ways, we each leave with a set of possibly very different memories. and when we try to piece these little bits of our memories together like a jigsaw puzzle (of course it'll never be a complete set, but you get the picture), sometimes we refresh each other's memories, some little bits and pieces float back from the dark recesses of our minds, and we remember, sort of, or we think we do. you know, history is but shaped by memories, and even memories can never tell the whole truth, for they are but shaped by human perspectives... and this would account for the historian's disillusionment.

but anyway, i digress. the thing is, he remembers some parts, and i remember others. i just wonder if he remembers the part that bugs me the most, everytime i see him, even now. i know we were just kids, sometimes we get angry and throw tantrums at each other, but that is the one bad thing i've done against somebody, furthest back in my life, that i can still remember, and still consider its possible impact on him. i totally didn't mean a word i said, but maybe he doesn't remember anything about that at all now anyway. but anyway, maybe that's the reason why i always choose to implode rather than explode, now that i've grown up a bit, because sometimes things might 一发不可收拾, and words are every bit as bad as sticks and stones. maybe he is none the worse for them, but my words, my 过错 comes back to haunt me. and that's why i hope i'll never make the same mistake with people ever again. but please don't misunderstand, it's not that he and i fell out after that particular incident, it's just that i never apologised for it... but of course, kids never apologise for losing their tempers and smashing lego bricks against walls.

okay, enough of that serious stuff, now, don't start worrying about me, things are okay, and i'm just being contemplative for a moment. :) i have to thank joooanne (ie. erqing) for her trusty old camera and good photography skills, which produced...


...which i found pretty interesting (read: hilariously nice). my sister thinks i look ridiculous there, but look at my bony arms sticking out from behind my head, my left wrist in a really weird angle and my right arm's vein popping out really obviously, so strange right? at first i was still wondering whose arms those were, when it suddenly dawned on me that i was trying to tie up my hair. haha! now you can go browse through erqing's journal for the more-normal-looking pics, while i attempt to get some work done. g'night!

ps: (hold your breaths...) *drumroll...* i love you, do you love me? hahaha! but hey, in a way, i mean it, for everyone who matters to me... reciprocity really does matter to me.

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