a little less than the girl next door (in_transit) wrote,
a little less than the girl next door

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of chocolate and sliding down snakes

perhaps i shall return to the chocolate after all. the chocolate that tastes ever so good every single time. the chocolate that always makes me feel good, never fails to make me feel better. the chocolate that soothes, even if it doesn't cure. the chocolate that will ultimately cause me much pain and suffering--from what we call heatiness, ulcers--maybe even death and destruction. for as long as i am in possession of that chocolate, for as long as i am a-tasting of that chocolate, i am in seventh heaven--perhaps an illusion of perfection--and i don't care to return, and i don't care about reality; i don't care for anyone, anything else, not even myself. and for those rare moments when i touch earth again--only for a moment or two, mind you--i shall continue to hope that, maybe, perhaps, one day, i would be able to have (and to hold) of that chocolate, all to myself, all of the time, with no threat of pain and suffering, no heatiness, no ulcers, no death, no destruction... why should i avoid chocolate after all? i love chocolate! it hurts to abstain from it. even if i suffer as a consequence of its consumption, it was pleasurable while i was eating of it, great while it was still around. i've actually been contemplating this decision throughout the past school vacation. withdrawal symptoms, the cold turkey... i've been struggling, been battling it, been praying for it to be removed. and at the end of it all, it's still there. i'm just as addicted. its allure, stronger, more enticing... maybe i should grab it while it's on offer, while it's still available, while the invitation's still being extended, while it's still within reach, while i can still get it, while i can still touch it. no matter the cost, the consequences. seize the day, live for the moment. the notion of the eternal is simply too far away, too abstract; it's what is existent in the immediate, the present, that i can see, i can hear, i can touch, i can feel. i know that this is wrong, i know this isn't right, but rather than barely coping in misery until i-don't-know-when-eternity-will-come, i could possibly be living in impermanent pleasure until i-don't-know-when-this-moment-will-pass. so let me, with reckless abandon, throw myself into the downward whirl of that dangerous eddy. perhaps i shall return to the chocolate after all.

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