because i keep thinking, pondering, keep replaying, i keep dreaming. despite everything due tomorrow. der verkäufer und das matterhorn crappy story, deutsch vocab test of infinite words, marketing presentation (because of which i shall hafta be in pants and collared shirt, but don't have matching shoes to go with)... and finally, tuition at night... in pants and collared shirt? and a pair of totally unmatching slippers? i quite, quite dislike business. i hate formalities, except perhaps in writing. life is misery; school life is hell. of course, this is a joke... a cynical joke, at that. i'm a reformed cynic, not completely, and sliding back into cynicism. help! *now imagine a caricature of an outstretched hand from something vaguely resembling quicksand, or a whirlpool*

why do i still not have time, and am constantly fatigued, despite not having touched neopets for a while? the days pass slowly. i need more "wait"s, more "persevere"s, more "hope"s. i need to hear! i know our suffering, our grief is but "a little while" to You, but it seems to span an entire eternity for us! how long, how long more, how.long.more?! i want to hear, i need to hear, i want to understand, i want to understand, i want to understand! i want every day to hear, not even just every other, for every day's a drag, but work, the tyranny of the urgent compels me away many a time, but i really need sustenance!

oh, the pain, the misery... lent's a miserable, painful season. i can't bear the thought that You did what You did, for all of me, i still will not to give it up, i feel totally incapable of that, even if it isn't Your demand of me. everything's about me, everything's i will, i want, i, i, me, me, me... but i can't shrug me off, or it's hard to, really hard, so hard it hurts. but i really, really want to hear... and surely that want is alright, is pleasing? no? let me hear, again, today, tonight, pretty please. or surely, i thirst to death.