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24 April 2005 @ 02:20 am
seeking temporary escape, refuge, relieve, whatever-you-call-it  
人善人欺天不欺,人恶人怕天不怕。 another one of my "dad-in-law"'s wise teachings i'll hold close to heart. not that it's got anything to do with whatever's coming up, nor that it's got anything to do with whatever i'm experiencing at the moment, no, really. it's just something i feel is so... uhm, wise? so typical of nice old kee liom. :> okay, let's move on... (p.s: many a time, i compose my first paragraphs only after having composed the rest of the entry, which is supposed to explain the apparent "no-link", okay?)

when will i break the news? when will i move on? after his exams? during his hols? before his hols end? before my hols end? i really wanna help, i don't wanna dump him, but twice a week, he makes me feel like throwing in the towel, and at his face too. his mum's not very supportive at all, and i don't wanna get him beaten up again after i leave either, i don't wanna make him grow up hating school. not that i'm fantastic, or sacrificial, or whatsoever, but i just don't wanna leave him in the lurch. i'm afraid that when they find someone else, that someone else won't tolerate any of his crap and will force him to sit down properly and stuff exam questions down his throat and that he'll grow up hating his studies, hating learning.

yet these are only my ideals; what parents nowadays want seem to be instant results (in the report book). but all these come from building up on a foundation! not everything comes merely from the texts; you need to read, you need to expand your horizons, then you'll be able to understand the little details of the texts! the results will come not so much from tuition, but from the things you expose him to outside of tuition--encourage speaking, reading in english, visit the library, science centre, zoo, whatever he's interested in... don't shut him up and bury him neck-high in low-quality assessment books--what can he learn from there if he can't even read and understand the words in them?

yet i know you love him. the problem lies with society, the problem lies with the system. which is why i could never be a teacher. i'd fail miserably. but i'd like to educate my own kids--not that i'd "save" 'em from the system and homeschool them, but i'd like them to be simultaneously within the system, yet have their 思想s outside of it. while i'm still bored, lemme try and elaborate on this: i'd want them to learn things like, say, english, mandarin, science, history, lit. etc. in the most natural ways possible, e.g. as general knowledge (oh, fur keeps animals warm, ww2 partly resulted from unsettled issues over ww1-->happens all the time in everyday life, blah blah). and then i won't deny that i'd hope they do well in school too, 'cos to me, doing well in academics without route-mugging would suggest understanding.

these aside, adults always make me feel inadequate. must be some sorta persecution complex i'm suffering from, i'm always suspecting that the neighbours, or goodness-knows-what-other-adults, think that my sister, or my friend, whoever, is the friendlier, more polite, more humble of the two... and i feel bad, 'cos i'm so painfully shy and inadequate and self-conscious and whatever-else that i can't even bring myself to say hi and make small talk. sigh and tsktsk. i may be tongue-tied, but there's certainly nothing wrong with my brain. in fact, i think it works overtime (i.e. 胡思乱想). i may not speak, but i have opinions too. and it's not that i have that much problem expressing them either. you may not hear me, but you can read me, here. and that's the reason this space exists.

final paragraph, i apologise that it seems, every time the exams approach, i come up with some entry condemning the education system and swear i'll be a better parent than to subject my kids to such. but of course, i bet my parents probably swore that too, long before i came to be, and i forgive them anyway, haha, on account of many things no space to write here. (change topic) 回到过去 (link removed) is a very nice song... it reminds me of the time we (guess who) used to picnic every saturday before alpha came about. and that time, me and yingni were just standing on those benches, with the discman plugged in and singing the song at the top of our voices (which isn't much, for my case, haha). many things i hope to get 'round to after the exams. i feel deep and dark in the deep dark night. a random thought: i've scared all my suitors away. harhar. (and "harhar" is an eye-rolling, not-funny-lor laugh.)

okay, wipe that spastic quizzical look off your face before i punch your eyes out. what was the point of this entire entry, and why're you still typing on endlessly when everyone's nodding off and drifting to sleep already? hm, and didn't you just say "final paragraph" the paragraph above? well, it's my journal and i'll write if i want to, hmph. see, anything's better than studying. see, if i leave off now, i'll be teleported straight back to real life, the real world, where i've got this nasty feeling i'm gonna B+ (or less) my english mods and i really doubt the extent to which i can pull my grades up with the extra work i can choose to put in. okay, the end, goodnight.
Mood: blank
Music: hui dao guo qu -- jay chou
a little less than the girl next doorin_transit on April 24th, 2005 07:43 am (UTC)
Your brain: 100% interpersonal, 20% visual, 240% verbal, and 40% mathematical!
Congratulations on being 400% smart! Actually, on my test, everyone is. The above score breaks down what kind of thinking you most enjoy doing. A score above 100% means you use that kind of thinking more than average, and a score below 100% means you use it less. It says nothing about how good you are at any one, just how interested you are in each, relatively. A substantial difference in scores between two people means, conclusively, that they are different kinds of thinkers.

Matching Summary: Each of us has different tastes. Still, I offer the following advice, which I think is obvious:

  1. Don't date someone if your interpersonal percentages differ by more than 80%.
  2. Don't be friends with someone if your verbal percentages differ by more than 100%.
  3. Don't have sex with someone if their math percentage is over 200%.

My test tracked 4 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender:

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You scored higher than 86% on interpersonal

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You scored higher than 15% on visual

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You scored higher than 99% on verbal

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You scored higher than 42% on mathematical
Link: The 4-Variable IQ Test written by chriscoyne on OkCupid Free Online Dating
(Anonymous) on April 27th, 2005 02:18 pm (UTC)
ur verbal is like 240%!!??!
i mean ok but huh tts def more than 100% compared to mine
so we cant be frens?
a little less than the girl next doorin_transit on May 3rd, 2005 03:32 am (UTC)
haha maybe that's what it means. should we stop being friends now? haha... :p
sleepysnail on April 24th, 2005 03:23 pm (UTC)
really long entry
i am also thinking if i should continue giving tuition after term starts.

if i stop, i feel like i pang seh them.. quite bad..

oh anyway, luckily i didn't get over 200% for mathematical!!!

a little less than the girl next doorin_transit on April 25th, 2005 02:59 am (UTC)
Re: really long entry
i thought you quite confirm not gonna tutor after school starts? anyway i think even if you get over 200%, your appeal to erm certain types of people still won't fade one lah hor. :p
sleepysnail on April 25th, 2005 10:57 am (UTC)
Re: really long entry
wa.. dun spread this thing from weixiang blog to urs!!!!
a little less than the girl next doorin_transit on April 25th, 2005 01:09 pm (UTC)
Re: really long entry
haha you're only tempting people to go visit wx's blog to find out more... hmmm careful you get more suitors ah!
(Anonymous) on April 24th, 2005 03:35 pm (UTC)
wanna hear more? you can come over to my house on weekends and your mum-in-law can make your fav popiah to fatten you up. =P

(Anonymous) on April 24th, 2005 03:38 pm (UTC)

hey i rememeber we used to sing to the coldplay album, i think we can sing to the lifehouse album this time! i cant wait for your exams to be over. faster faster!
a little less than the girl next doorin_transit on April 25th, 2005 02:58 am (UTC)
but must bring lyrics this time round ah.
winkibowinkibo on April 25th, 2005 03:17 pm (UTC)
i guarantee got lyrics *winkz*
a little less than the girl next doorin_transit on April 25th, 2005 03:23 pm (UTC)
horhor! you opened it!!
winkibowinkibo on April 25th, 2005 04:12 pm (UTC)
am i such a person?!!!

tak tak.. i meant i guarantee the lyrics will be around when we meet.
a little less than the girl next doorin_transit on April 25th, 2005 04:30 pm (UTC)
why you tak tak instead of tsk tsk? hahaha. 29th set, better leave your afternoon free ah.
winkibowinkibo on April 25th, 2005 04:49 pm (UTC)
darn, stupid typo!
a little less than the girl next doorin_transit on April 25th, 2005 01:10 pm (UTC)
when it's all over, you better get chopin to prepare more popiahs everyday ah. anyway very soon we'll be able to "you and me" at the top of our voices liao. heehee.