a little less than the girl next door (in_transit) wrote,
a little less than the girl next door

  • Mood:
  • Music:

i won't stop you if you want to

alone and taking the lift downstairs today, i felt afraid sharing it with an old man i didn't know. but taking the lift back upstairs all by myself, i was totally at ease. looks like last night's experience has effectively left me with a new phobia... hopefully only temporarily... sigh.

this evening, my mum read to me from the chinese newspapers that somebody either committed or contemplated suicide at a block of flats near church. during prayer walk only last friday, i prayed for depressed people who were thinking of ending their lives, because i remembered looking down from the top floor of one of those blocks, thinking what a perfect place it was for me to do the deed if i ever decided to. double sigh.

the timely reminder of a late night conversation just--to watch out, brraaake, take a step back, and take care i don't end up another casualty. another one i just gleaned from somewhere else... maybe i should just let go. but it's so much easier said than done. triple sigh.

26 may 2005 2.14pm
what do people who have the slightest inkling of it think of me? i never meant to "fight" and i don't want to either and neither do i even think i stand a "fighting chance"; i never meant to do anything about it. i just have a want, a desire, a wish, a fat hope--if i could choose, i wouldn't want to feel this way at all... so i'll just continue waiting for it to fade off, alright? i'm trying, alright, i'm trying; i don't know who knows, but i always have been.

  • a death

    an ex-colleague died today. i thought he had beaten the cancer when it seemed that he had returned to work a while ago, though i personally knew of…

  • boosted

    got my moderna booster on tuesday morning - a quarter dose instead of a half dose, which was never reported in the news, it seems. thought i’d be…

  • memory lane

    haven't really been updating much of late cos lots of things to do and lots of distractions now that i'm living with my parents again, sobz. haven't…

  • Post a new comment


    default userpic

    Your IP address will be recorded 

    When you submit the form an invisible reCAPTCHA check will be performed.
    You must follow the Privacy Policy and Google Terms of use.