a little less than the girl next door (in_transit) wrote,
a little less than the girl next door
in_transit

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wakey wakey!

thanks for all the nights that i say goodnight and go back to pacing about the house, gazing out windows, even just lying on the sofa, feeling contented, happy, glad, fulfilled and all other nice, good and cheerful-in-a-mellow-way adjectives. sorry i make you yawn your way to work each morning and have to find the weirdest places to catch up on lost sleep. <3 <3

i've broken the news to my tutee's parents and i'll be dropping him end-july. just as he's starting to seem a little more manageable and showing some progress and improvement. i've got him started on and sorta interested in enid blyton books. he's occasionally voluntarily reading aloud now. he's pronouncing words he doesn't recognise more accurately. he's beginning to spell what he hears better. he seems more willing these days to do open-ended stuff without so much cajoling and bargaining. of course, that could be because i've announced i'm going. and of course, there's still a long way to go.

sigh. cliche as this is gonna sound, i shall be leaving part of me behind when i go. it's strange how, when you've spent enough time with somebody, and you've developed that some sorta rapport or that level of comfortabilty with each other, and you leave, i don't know, you just kinda feel like part of you is torn out or something. not that it really hurts bad or what. i'm fond of him, but i'm not all that crazy over him. not the way i'd feel as if part of me would die or that my intellect were ripped out or that nobody in this wide world would ever understand me again if somebody else were to leave me. but still.

still, 舍不得 as i might feel, rationally, it'd probably be a good choice. i wouldn't wanna afford the time when school reopens for me. opportunity cost being leisure. and thinking of the times he might start acting up again, i don't wanna feel frustrated and trapped in the job and stuff. besides, obligations call elsewhere now. alright, selfish reasons, as usual. i really wouldn't mind dropping in once in a while to help out--but strictly commitment-free. but they're not even family friends, so not very proper, i guess. i just feel a little 舍不得 to pass him on to someone else to take over that little bit of progress i've made with him. what if the new tutor pushes him to do loads of assessments on end and is very boring and narrow and doesn't continue to encourage his reading and ends up making him hate school, hate studying, hate learning? not that i was that effective though. would it matter to them that i leave?

alright, i'm anxiety-prone. hate me. :) (: this moment, i'm secure and feel i could live with it. "it" being non-reciprocity. nightzzz.


ps: since the last time nick made an official appearance here was in my 201st entry two years ago, entry number 579 shall have nick in an inspiring drama i'm currently watching about volunteer doctors in africa. errr, his cute gelled hair inspires me. right-click to download its inspiring theme song. :p

right-click to download theme song (3.4mb) (link removed)
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  • current obsessions

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