a little less than the girl next door (in_transit) wrote,
a little less than the girl next door

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:( i even forgot to pray him away ):

i know i've blogged about this at least twice before in the past dunno-how-many years but it had to happen again today. i was on bus 65 home from town just now when a big fat man boarded the bus and came upstairs. i'd already had my shoebag on the seat next to me and i wasn't intending to remove it 'cos there were plenty of other seats elsewhere on the bus... as usual. but he had to choose to come stand pointedly beside my seat and i had no choice but to remove my shoebag and he sat down. i don't know whether it was his revenge on my "expression of selfishness" towards him just moments ago, but he started singing and clicking his tongue loudly and talking to himself. i had my earphones plugged in and was reading a book so i didn't bother about him. i mean, every time you meet a crazy man, you're supposed to pretend you're oblivious to his insanity, isn't it?

then he started squeezing in bit by bit, taking up more and more of my space, and i started moving in more and more, until i was... just very squeezed up. and then he started using his foot to kick lightly at my slipper as though playing with it, and when i moved, he moved too and just kept disturbing my slipper on my foot. finally i uncrossed my legs and then he kept nudging his leg closer and closer until i was even more squeezed up for space. then he kept using his elbow to poke into my hip and i was seriously squeezed up for space. and all this while, i was trying so hard to pretend to read my book but was starting to have difficulty breathing properly again. plus he had breath which reeked of either cigarette smoke or alcohol.

finally i took out my handphone and started messaging a bunch of people just so to have something to do and an excuse to move and try to push him out of my space. to keep the long story short, maybe the messaging started me freaking myself out until i eventually felt really quite scared. i desperately wanted to get out of that seat but he was so big and was taking up all my space that i didn't know if i dared squeeze past him. i was afraid he might start screaming at me or something if i did so, since he was obviously crazy, talking and singing loudly to himself a while ago. i wanted to get out, yet by now, i was feeling trembly all over. when i held on to my phone and was trying to type messages in reply to the people who replied, i think my fingers trembled. when charisse so nicely called back, i didn't even really dare to speak for fear that he'd scold me or something 'cos he might know i was talking about him. and he kept on staring at me when i was on the phone and messaging... like he knew it was about him.

eventually i gathered all my guts and made my way past him to two seats in front. i know i sound like a big damn coward and freak now; i was really so damn scared. i wonder if, while he had his elbow in my hip, he could actually have felt me trembling. even when i was on a seat all to myself, i was still very trembly and trying desperately to compose myself. really a very traumatising experience. yet again. sigh. bad experience. is there something about me that i have to change? do i have a permanent timid look? but i really don't think i'd ever have the guts to look him in the eye and tell him to bugger off... because he seems mad and he might start scolding me loudly and stuff, and you know, singaporeans are just bystanders who take a perverse delight in just watching. and as always, what if he's mentally slow or something? hai.

okay, this entry sounds totally loserish. not in a great mood now. even the nine o'clock show doesn't appeal that much anymore. :(

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