which led me to drift off for a while, thinking upon the numbers of essays i have written since i entered college, on that same topic, albeit for different classes. pleasure and pain, considered together, have always been a sort of source of puzzlement and intrigue for me, for i do not think that they are really mutually exclusive. (of course, the following is totally not going to have anything to do with the sermon this morning. but of course again, if you want to hear what the preacher had to say, wait for it to be posted up; you know where to look for it.)
okay, having said that, i suddenly find that i don't have anything really left to say anymore. (as usual.) you know our "universal" real-life example of the paradox, or just one side of that. aside from that, i suspect there's a difference between merely talking about pain and pleasure in themselves alone, and talking about people deriving both pain and pleasure out of certain things... unfortunately, i think my mental faculties still aren't developed enough or are just too spent (from simultaneous hell weeks) at the moment to attempt that.
on that note, as i was just going through my essays from the previous years, i came to the sudden realisation that, as compared to the time at which i had written those particular papers, now, i have so much clearer and more refined (and possibly even very different) an idea of the things i had once written about. and i can't imagine how i had once dared, with such a vague, fuzzy notion of what i thought it was then, to attempt to cheat my way through. but then again, think about it, i do that still. and likely, years down the road, i would look back at what i had written only recently, and think it lame.
okay, and on to something totally new--would you consider a trip abroad a "grad trip" still, if you were the one graduating but were travelling with other people who weren't graduating or had already graduated some time ago (i.e. you are the only person graduating in that group)? or supposing you were the only person not graduating, but were travelling with a whole bunch of other people who were graduating, would you still consider that a "grad trip"? yes, i am that obsessed with definitions, though after so many years of learning that essentially everything is arbitrary and means totally nothing, i should already know better.
and, does somebody have a suggestion for a good remote webhosting site? graffiti seems to be failing me... do you see that my journal background either does not appear or takes a thousand years to load, or is that just my problem? i want some place that allows me not only to post image files up, but also documents, videos, etc. (okay, this paragraph is starting to sound like a typical lazy sg_ljers post.)
right, so long for now. :)
before i really leave off, i just wanted to say, i am so very aware of my own limitations, so many things i cannot do, so many solutions i cannot give, so many things i wish for you but am powerless to realise, but the song is dedicated to you. again, i would never rot on you.