but if you grab one too soon, too rashly, for security's sake, for the fact that "lost opportunities never return", will you regret it, will you feel bound, will it suffocate, will you be able to escape when it does?
would i really want to bind myself down at such an early stage? i'm afraid i might be stuck forever. yet i'm afraid that if i leave, i can never return. who would want the cake if you can't eat it?
dissonance before even decisions are made, from a closet commitment-phobe nobody really knows about.
i love wednesdays, like thursdays and dislike fridays. i wish i would just stop dreaming and start studying. i wish i could be focused and disciplined enough to get what i (think i) really want.
it's a good thing bourdeaux made it possible for us to push the blame to social structuring and all so i can say there isn't a whole lot of self-determination in it at all. the only thing is, it leaves me slightly stranded and almost content to accept what ill fate is dealt me. i know that really shouldn't be the case, though.
you know it so much better than i do, maybe you could explain it someday. good people deserve better than the flak you got. good people deserve to feel better than depressed at the end of it.
even though our righteousness are but rags.
perhaps what i really want and need is to be enveloped in good things, nice people, positive thoughts. i want wednesdays. i want to subscribe to the one ideology that grants me hope.
i don't want to be sick and tired of conflicting ideologies anymore.
how do i even start trying?