i loved floating out there in the middle of nowhere surrounded only by saltwater, in that orange lifevest, very small, immensely thrilled, yet so fearful, so fearful, because i couldn't swim back to shore, i couldn't get back. if i accidentally slipped out of that oversized lifevest, i'd be lost to the world, sinking down into the depths of the murky waters.
the sea is a cruel place--it could bring an end to all your hopes and dreams and aspirations. what are you after all but another tiny dot of a living creature to it. it could consume you, miff out what little breath of life left in you in a jiffy. the sea is also a forgiving place--it could be the site to end all your troubles and problems and worries and all other unsolvable complexities. what is a tear but another drop of saltwater in that vast expanse. if you cried, it'd hide you, nobody'd know, nobody need know.
people talk about being embraced by the sea. people also talk about being engulfed by the sea. they talk about the gentle calm peaceful sea. they also talk about the angry turbulent tempestuous sea. there's tension in almost every little thing in life. you want to be constantly near it, with it, in it, yet you don't wanna lose yourself in it, don't wanna be consumed by it. so what exactly is it that you want, you don't know. perhaps all you want is to go with the flow, i don't know.
about a day or so ago, a little boy wrote and posted a rather depressive entry on his weblog. what he said was mostly true, but ironic because it was him saying it. he was eventually made to privatise it--self-censorship. of course, when i first read what he wrote, i wasn't too pleased at the cynical insensitive ideas he was putting forth. him, of all people. but really, i feel for him. he is but a little boy, thrust into this complex self-contradictory society. i mean, is this blogging world not after all surrounded by the typed-out thoughts of depressive emo lost and confused souls?