i'm such an anti-social, scared-of-changes freak!
i remember being smitten with this song. and being smitten with someone else alongside it. someone i am sooo totally not smitten with now. i remember my crazy first-three-months. i remember the dark overcast skies on the way out of the vj gates. i remember the self-induced highs and lows of being in crush. i remember half-running half-walking to the jetty from vj for "pt". i remember overlooking the sea, such a reflection of my very low moods. i remember lamenting my constant misery over him to yingni on the run back. and hnf was what i wanted to be in.
this song made me want to close my eyes and feel that deep sinking in the stomach. this song made me feel so much. this song seemed to relate so much. and it still does... and the memories flood back... except i wish it was really someone else. 'cos i feel really foolish. so hnf seems like a fraud. (or they'd say i was the fraud, and believe it. right, yn?) and in a way, so was he. (or so i feel) and everything didn't turn out at all as expected. yet, they probably couldn't have turned out any better. serious.
and i still really love this song. and in a way, things were really carefree those three months. and i really wouldn't mind reliving that experience again. only, i'd like to re-select my then-crush.
in any case, i'd like to thank those who have stuck with me throughout. those who've so kindly and patiently listened and bore through my constant lamentation and seemingly-perpetual misery. namely yingni and rina lah. rina being the first reeaally close friend i made in vj. who so miraculously managed to keep in touch despite all that mess the a's can bring. :)
of course, not to forget my wonderful squadmates who've tong-gan-gong-ku-ed since biye's time -- xinlian, zhenqi, and yes, once again, yingni. (seems i only have 3 nuu-dui squadmates hor) don't know how better to express what binds us together despite having gone through so many bouts of differences...... thank you for being so nice. so tolerant. so forgiving. always (well, almost) being there.
and last but not least, the main characters in making my 01s42 life bearable -- senny, shuqi, weiying (who seems to have dissipated into thin air), and rina again also (for having been existent first three months). without whom, i wouldn't have been able to pon every other lesson and share so much fun/frustration/indignance (you all know what!) in between. words i'm currently incapable of verbalising/materialising on paper (computer screen, rather)......
counting, it seems i only have 7 friends. 7 real real real real reeaalll friends. i guess, for me, that's more than enough. it probably sounds like the official boot-licking day to you all huh? i mean, so mushy and goosebump-inducing and all that crap... urgh... but oh well, i do mean it, and you all can come kiss me after reading this.