a little less than the girl next door (in_transit) wrote,
a little less than the girl next door
in_transit

  • Mood:

trigger word

i may be my own person now, the life i lead may be more my own now than it ever used to be, and i can work on fixing what you broke. but i'll never get it fixed right if you keep breaking it over and over again.

if you really believe i am a "weakling" (your word) as you never fail to remind me i am whenever i dare express feelings of cold, hunger, sickness or tiredness... if you really believe so and expect me to accept this as truth, then you, too, must be able to accept it when i tell you that i believe i am a weakling because i was brought up in a house of weaklings by a parent who is a weakling.

i wonder how, being the weakling you say i am, i did not die at birth. and i wish that i did, since my wretched existence (which i had totally no agency in) has obviously cost you much time, energy, youth, money, and whatever alternatives you could have had.

i know i will never be good enough for you. but somehow i have been programmed to keep trying. and i hate myself for that and would rather that i just drop dead than to have to go through this over and over again and keep having to pretend that i don't care.

i am very tired and unhappy and i would rather that i were dead, except i can't do it myself or i would end up in hell and eternity is a really long time to be in hell.
Subscribe

  • vincenzo

    lately i've been watching vincenzo on netflix. song joong-ki's face is so smooth. the baddie also quite cute cos he's tall, the way i like 'em. the…

  • 懒熊

    yesterday we went night safari. took the tram twice, did all the trails, and saw many animals. but had to miss the creatures of the night show…

  • highly recommend 我们唱着的歌

    just watched on netflix, six years late, a very moving local documentary - 我们唱着的歌 the songs we sang. i actually started the show only to have…

  • Post a new comment

    Error

    default userpic

    Your IP address will be recorded 

    When you submit the form an invisible reCAPTCHA check will be performed.
    You must follow the Privacy Policy and Google Terms of use.
  • 2 comments