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21 November 2011 @ 05:00 am
project i-can-be-happy(ier)  
taking just one day at a time is still kinda beyond me right now, so i shall settle for attempting to take one week at a time for the time being.

the week ahead seems strangely scary to me, yet part of me secretly anticipates it. i fear i'm out of practice, having been out of the "business" of consecutive 16-hour days for two years now. yet i want to find out just how lazy and spoilt i've truly become - with a simple test run, because this is just temporary, with the end in clear sight.

next week this time, i hope to find myself relieved that another initially-deemed-painful week has passed, glad that i've met most of my not-too-difficult resolutions for the week, a little less wide-eyed, lost and confused, and basically, happier than i was at my lowest point yesterday.

yesterday, i was almost ready to go into shut-down, damage control mode. yesterday, i thought that more than 10 years later, it still seemed like i hadn't discovered a better way to deal with things.

today, i think maybe i was mistaken yesterday - maybe i have amassed a repertoire of slightly better ways to deal, even if not necessarily the best solutions. everything still isn't as bleak as it was some 13 years back, so that's a good thing.

so here's my list of resolutions for the week.

1. minimise my worsening stomach problems. avoid the fatty, oily, fried, heaty, spicy, milky. avoid large meals; eat less and more often. embrace water, veggie, fruits, esp. fruits.

2. try to get back to yoga - just once this week. or attempt running again or something, really lightly.

3. think positive, think long-term. fake it till i make it. focus till i pass out.

4. practise, practise, do homework and prepare. listen, browse, watch. try to commit only the useful and important to memory. crucially, familiarise myself with the cantata score.

5. don't kill myself should i slip. sneak in a movie or something. (guess which one, lol.)
Mood: quixotic