but i can record some of what i think may have been my happier days (nights, rather) - nothing particularly eventful happened the past day, maybe a handful of minor good things, maybe even a couple of minor bad ones, nothing i'd really wanna spend time blogging about; but then all of a sudden, i realise i feel at peace with the world, that maybe i could forgive anything in the world, and that, crazy as it sounds, maybe i could actually live out the rest of my life as a genuinely nice and uncomplicated person.
tonight is one of these nights.
not one of those quixotic nights where i promise myself that i can and will pull through anything and everything with pure grit, where anything and everything seems oh so possible and within reach.
no, this is the night where i believe that i can and will calmly let everything wash over me and be okay with any outcome. this is the night i won't be fighting any flow, in real life or in my head, not because i'm too drained or disillusioned, but because i just want to lie back and float and feel the water under me and over me, because it just feels so good.
but i know, i know that midnight madness (the good or the bad), being as fleeting as midnight madness always is, will be over in no time. which is why i'm staying up to record this.
i have yet much to say, but i don't know how to say it; maybe alfian was right after all - this may not feel anything close to any "happiest day", but maybe even the "happier day" experience exceeds language.