a little less than the girl next door (in_transit) wrote,
a little less than the girl next door

  • Mood:

several trains (of thought)

being the "logical" person i am, i shall thus attempt to list the matters which may be the reasons for my feeling as i am now. in this manner, i sometimes feel i'm very similar to rina... in that we often try to analyse our own feelings... and others' as well, i guess. and we have our own little theories for them. i don't know if everyone does that too, but sometimes i just suspect i'm weird. and sometimes i wonder if i'm really a "thinking" or a "feeling" person... (no, yingni, i'm not "ah hee ah hay") i mean, in my view, to keep trying to make sense of your emotions, is a rather "thinking" trait. yet, to have such a varied range of feelings i often go through, i'd think is quite... well, "feeling" lah. don't know. ok, so here goes:

1. the movie, turn left turn right
2. friends coming and leaving
3. chance encounters (i have yet to get over)
4. sliding back down that slackers' pit

the movie wasn't too disappointing despite my (i'd consider) rather high expectations beforehand. well, i can't say any movie has really disappointed me very badly before anyway, as darius once mentioned... but still, i found it quite nice and touching (as expected) lor. i mean, i know it's all lovey-dovey romantic flick and impossible and ridiculous and stuff like that, but still...... we don't have to believe it and be encouraged to wait for our soulmate and stuff like that, but i was thinking, there also isn't reason for us to take it cynically and be harsh and critical toward yourself and the movie, and life (and love) in general. i don't know if i'm talking sense. but i like to daydream, and i'm guessing it isn't too bad to have this little fancy idea to think on if it can put me to sleep at night.

jincheng wu was shuai, i liked his hair, i liked his striped shirts. gigi leung was tall and pretty, and she cried rather realistically. their xiang1 yu4s were like, so xing1 ku3, and they two really looked so the "sad, deep couple". at that point where he/she was asking for a miracle, before they went home to pack, i felt that part was quite quite touching. mm hm but i didn't tear at all (and for that i'm proud)! :) and the two theme songs were nice. turns out miriam yeung's song isn't a theme song at all. :/

change topic. the other thing which got me slightly down was seeing another friend (two!) leave. peiqi and amy head for manchester tonight (last night). well, i wish them all the very best and may they settle in well there and their friendship blossom with the many years they'll be spending together in interdependence. ok, that's basically what everyone else wishes for them too, so it's really rather cliche, but still, heartfelt. airport scenarios are always touching, heart-rending; sometimes goosebump-raising (for me), teary, whatever... and a little bit of envy. well, everybody's got a bit of attention-seeking nature. :> (great excuse huh)

don't wanna elaborate on the farewell. it's just that, everybody's walking in and then walking out of each other's lives... one thought links to another, and another, and another; i suppose that's what you call "train" of thought... and i think of how fragile relationships are. how transient. when i recall an old friend, or old neighbour, whatever, i wanna re-establish that connection, but i almost never get around to it. in showers, i think of thanking a couple of my teachers for having made a difference in my life, but they remain only thoughts for years. i think of visiting auntie's (ex-nanny's) family again, but it never happened and now it seems uncle (her husband) has passed away; and that connection is broken because it's gonna be awkward to go back now anyway. my nanny's husband used to be really nice to me when i was young. he'd fan me to sleep in the afternoons, buy me bananas and durians (i sound like a pet monkey) and he really really doted on me. i feel so unfilial.

and the chance encounter i've yet to get over is still haunting me. because of that, i now find myself hoping and wishing that it'd happen again. and somehow i feel i'm building my hopes too high, i'm hoping for something to happen out of nothing. logically speaking, i'm nuts. and then i realise sometimes it's really this weird thing called hope, that's the cause of many stuff -- joy, happiness, sadness, disappointment, decision, the continuation of life (for some, not necessarily me lah). i've probably stopped making sense again. so here's how another train of thought is going (the end part of it) -- ...i'm a person --> i have many failures --> forgive me... and another one -- you'd think you'd be satisfied if the guy of your dreams turns out to reciprocate your feelings totally, and a relationship starts. but i'd never be sure about myself (at this point). hmmm, didn't i just say "out with all that cynicism"? ah the dual nature of man. (sounds vaguely philo, which i'm sucking at)

and that brings us to my last point. i'm slacking. again. more than ever. discipline simply eludes me. i just prefer to update rather than view those webcasts. i prefer to establish connections with friends to studying. i prefer movies and guys to those books and philosophical arguments and shit. as usual, i don't wanna elaborate on my duo4 luo4-ness.

still, must thank weiwen for... encouraging me to type out my stuff...? :> even if what i have to say makes me sound dumb and possibly insane. sometimes i feel i have this need to tell people exactly how i feel... psychological tests call that "having a story to tell" i think... i blame it on the attention-seeking nature of man. even if i blush under spotlight. writing is my forte, even if i will never beat my sis, even if i don't have a great vocab and can hardly sound poetic about stuff which mean a whole lot to me, and my expression sucks and i often sound psychotic. even if it really isn't great at all as compared to those real artsy people; those gp get a1/a2 people; those angmoh sibeh powderful and don't speak a word of singlish/hokkien/whatever people. why? (why writing is my forte...) 'cos i could never express myself as well in speech. amen.

  • Post a new comment


    default userpic

    Your IP address will be recorded 

    When you submit the form an invisible reCAPTCHA check will be performed.
    You must follow the Privacy Policy and Google Terms of use.