running on tuesday evenings with femdog and winkibo; and even if i was lazy and didn't run, we'd meet and do something else instead. (and bumping into biye, the ever-disciplined...) my very lax study schedule of german classes on monday and thursday evenings, and peaceful happy strolls down orchard road, sometimes alone, after that, and sometimes going for dinner with friends.
i remember feeling 99.9% satisfied with life -- people would remark what a great difference from jc life it was for me. walking down wheelock place with rina and shuqi one night, the sense of wonder at not having to worry about tutorials undone and common tests to study for came over me not once, not twice. talking on the phone 'til 3 or 4am became a common occurence, especially when no nagging from parents resulted.
we could go out as and when we liked to, the only thing in the way were some temporary jobs, which could easily be pushed aside. i kept swiss/spanish hours in singapore and nobody cared 'cos my family (namely the sister) was doing it too. sleep was at least 12 hours a day... i hardly needed naps anymore since i'd only wake at noon, sometimes aching from too much sleep.
oh, of course i miss those days. but you all also know how i feel about these days. even if btg seems to have disappeared from the face of the earth, even if i'm in serious danger of flunking my eu, even if i was sick last week and my last few assignments and tests didn't feel like they're gonna be great... i still don't know much about "real purposes in life" and stuff like that, but for once, i feel like i'm on my way to being a happy and good person.
in sec 3/4, i managed more or less to pick up the pieces; in jc, i spilled some again, the long break... it resulted in many good things, which possibly smoothed my transition to life-now. i think that's where things started looking up, up, upper still, and am upsten. ;p
today, the 15 bus passed the block of flats in front of which i used to wait for the 55 bus to school in jc. i remembered counting the storeys to see if it were any higher than the thirteen storeys in my block...... that must have been the prelim period. i never finished counting, anyway. am i glad i didn't... i was shown the futility of jumping a few sundays ago, at the foot of my neighbouring block. besides, i believe that all living creatures were built with a will to survive. suicide, i believe, is an impulse. even as you lie dying, you struggle to breathe, your heart fights to pump... really, you wanna live.