a little less than the girl next door (in_transit) wrote,
a little less than the girl next door

ready, get set...

tomorrow marks the start of my six-day stretch of leave and days off. there is lots to be done. my furniture arrives tomorrow, appliances the day after, in between, i have to get everything cleaned properly and packed and moved over, get cable and wifi set up, and then return the keys and settle some documents, etc. (and fit in a wakeboarding session too.) i'm a bit tentative about everything.

before, my old flat permitted me to decide to pack up and just leave any time i felt like it. it's not that i can't do the same with my new flat, but i've emotionally invested myself quite a bit this time by personalising it to an extent. in my mind/heart, i know i do that because i want to make this feel more of a real home. i want it to belong -- to me.

the thought of that, while somewhat warm and fuzzy, also tends to send me into sudden momentarary panic -- have i tied myself down? committed myself to this place? am i bound, am i stuck? -- before i quickly remind myself that i still have the power and freedom and mobility to move any time i really wanted to... it's just a matter of casting aside all these physical belongings, these material things, no matter how much time, effort or money i've spent on them; they're all just sunk costs. no need to fear.

i like to think of myself as logical like that.

so i should have no qualms putting my heart and mind and soul into doing my best about the new place. to try to just live in the present and stop always trying to prepare for the future, which might never come to pass anyway.

i'll hit my second anniversary here in just a few days. by which time, i might be too busy moving altogether to blog at all (not that i've been particularly conscientious about that of late). i'm not sure what to say; i have many thoughts, as always. they're still mainly just thoughts of gratefulness and thanksgiving -- for the ones who gave me a chance, for the ones who made it so unbearable that i wanted out and as far away as possible (and i mean absolutely no malice), for just everything always falling into place so well it's hard not to believe in God.

maybe, just maybe, after my move, i might just be ready to take another big step in my life. only maybe. or maybe not. i don't quite know yet. i'm afraid, as always. i will be patient with myself.

  • vincenzo

    lately i've been watching vincenzo on netflix. song joong-ki's face is so smooth. the baddie also quite cute cos he's tall, the way i like 'em. the…

  • 懒熊

    yesterday we went night safari. took the tram twice, did all the trails, and saw many animals. but had to miss the creatures of the night show…

  • highly recommend 我们唱着的歌

    just watched on netflix, six years late, a very moving local documentary - 我们唱着的歌 the songs we sang. i actually started the show only to have…

  • Post a new comment


    default userpic

    Your IP address will be recorded 

    When you submit the form an invisible reCAPTCHA check will be performed.
    You must follow the Privacy Policy and Google Terms of use.