a little less than the girl next door (in_transit) wrote,
a little less than the girl next door
in_transit

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2003 review

between yesterday and today mark the difference of a year. and for me, the difference of perception. it was really at that point of 2003 moving on to 2004 that it struck me. and i greeted the revelation with numbness, indifference.

2003 started off like a certain lazy cat stretching himself across my balcony floor -- very, extremely relaxed. i had the entire world to look forward to: i never intended to do a single day's work (and i didn't), i was finally gonna get german lessons and i was gonna excel in it (more or less, haha). doing anything depended solely on my own desire: i could sleep and wake anytime i liked, surf the net or chat on the phone into the wee wee hours of the night, go out shopping and eating for all my allowance could support... i ran when i felt like it, frequented the libraries and indulged in a series of books, genre entirely new to me, and revised my german on and off. my only gripping fear was the a level results -- if i flunked it, i would fling myself out the window.

in the end i didn't, since i didn't flunk it anyway. i was thankful, i was glad, and i had another half-year of ultimate relaxation to go before college life took over. 'tho i have the notion that doing all you desire, all the time isn't exactly good for the soul, i still look back fondly at those days, constantly. i have the suspicion it's never gonna happen again, ever. anyway, school started in no time. for the first time since jc (minus goethe-institut), i actually found a passion for the stuff i was learning. i joined a cca where people weren't judgemental, nor hypocritical, or at least, they try hard not to; and where their enthusiasm is coming from, even if i don't always welcome it, i understand. i made new friends despite antisocialness, fell in love with my german class, nursed a new crush (who's ever giving me false? hope each day)... i did relatively well in school, was mostly happy; the holidays came and are almost leaving... and so i leave off 2003 here.

who knows what 2004 will bring? for me, life's still more or less a game of snake and ladders. perhaps now, it seems to be a series of uphill climbs; no doubt i shall sooner or later find myself sliding down a coupla snakes, but i don't climb alone. and i know who holds the dice. i've a handful of unfulfilled resolutions, renewed, remade, and some hope for the new year.

i don't wanna live my life in a smoky club among people dancing mindlessly to the music of the world. you could take the latter sentence figuratively, literally, whatever. i don't mean to put anyone down; i'm no better, no more moral than the party-people. they probably don't really dance mindlessly... only, when i'm there, i feel like i'm the senseless one, not being where i belong. and xl, yn and zq (and the rest who don't know about my journal), please don't think that i didn't have fun last night. i did have fun, but let's just say it was more of an enriching, eye-opening experience than an enjoyable one. *grin* a car and a credit card are indeed very attractive (and convenient too), but i'm sure now what i want runs much further from all that, that i could do without them.


ps: just to sidetrack, i met lippy again last night, at the suntec walkway where i always bump into people, right after i said i hoped i wouldn't meet anyone i know. for once, i wasn't wearing my sleeping clothes or the s4 t-shirt, but he didn't see me anyway. :< and for once, he also wasn't in ah-pek clothes. he was in an orange shirt and had his usually curly hair all slicked back like a bad person. :> but he didn't see me.


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