everything always looks tons tons better in the morning, right after i awake. sometimes i seriously suspect i've been smiling in my sleep. never talk to me wee hours of the night, i'm prone to spouting nonsense then. the past week's been close to hell. stress and pressure in all forms. i had to forsake 2131 lecture to complete the lit essay before german so i wouldn't hafta go school today. it's goethe-institut today. it's been some time since the last time i went. and i miss the toilet. the privacy it provides each time i wanna avoid interaction. of course i still do it in school now, everyone knows that. but it's the goethe-institut toilet ambience that's great. :p don't be surprised i'm so anti-social. that's why i'm so jealous of her. not just envious, i'm jealous. i know it's so bad. she's everything that i'm not. not that i ever wanted to be anything like her, but now i'm guessing she's got something i want. of course i may jolly well be damn bloody wrong. but oh well... i can't help feeling this way. i wish i weren't so shallow and dumbass either. i wish things didn't matter to me the way they don't to her. there are really more factions than one in here.


my comfort has come, in the form of music. this song never fails to stir me. i think i could listen to it forever. when the music fades, all is stripped away...... always makes me feel so naked. for my warped ways, and warped thinking, and all that is warped and wrong and gone awry. and walls. actually i am capable of love. andrew lincoln wasn't wrong when he said in the show that it's all about self-preservation. sometimes i just can't see beyond my own world. and my own fears. and that little guy in that red suit, with horns, sitting on my left shoulder, holding that pitchfork, is sometimes all too real. but i wanna know Yours.