and what's the worst thing ever? this so totally isn't the first time that it's happening to me!!! well, the last time it happened, it was some time ago... but still... it was also on the 60 bus (though last time it was still known as 226) and that was back in jc2 after school, and i also started finding it difficult to breathe properly 'cos each time i inhaled, my chest would have contact with the fat guy's arm. shitty hell. and at that time i endured it all the way 'til my stop, 'cos i couldn't even breathe, don't talk about moving. and now i don't even know if it's the same guy... they were all extremely fat and took up plenty, plenty of space, that's all i know. and there was also one other time back in secondary school, except it was a middle-aged uncle who wasn't really fat at all and besides it was a different thing, so i shan't talk about it. oh... and more recently another time last sem on the way to school with femdog on the mrt on matric day when we were separated by the working crowd and this weird guy kept pressing me against the door. and there was sufficient space around him. and he seemed to have had mistaken my thigh for the metal pole. i seriously don't know why 'cos i was wearing jeans. but the big fat problem here is, WHY DOES IT ALWAYS HAPPEN TO ME??? do i even look like i deserve it, or asked for it?? i'm always just sitting there, looking out of the window and minding my own business when stuff like that happen! and then when i can't help turning red for all that lack of air and for feeling freaked out, people stare at me like i'm claustrophobic or like i have some history of having been sexually abused or something. and i can't even exactly say that they're doing anything funny, even if my guts ever allow me to, 'cos they can always say they were sleeping, it was an accident, and in this case, that they can't help being fat and obese and taking up all that space and squishing me into pulp etc. and if it were really really not at all intended, i really don't want them to think that i'm discriminating against them 'cos of their size or that they're foreign workers or what. and i really really feel that it's never ever my fault when it happens, i don't even dress at all provocatively or what, i just look like a little, very-dismissable schoolgirl minding her own business... SO WHY DOES IT ALWAYS HAVE TO HAPPEN TO ME???
and this has to be my 300th entry, and i was actually hoping to save it for something a little more pleasant.