over dinner just now, my mother casually mentioned hearing news of our country's geppers over the radio, statistics of how they are doing currently. she made a passing comment of how successful the large majority of them now are, and my sister has not achieved anything. in a way, i felt somewhat mortally offended. why do we so often look through those materialistic, weighing eyes of our society six days of of our week, switch to some goody-goody "all for God" talk those few hours in church on sundays, and then happily slip back into that weighing-your-worth-by-your-achievements mode once again? why are we so often torn between the two?

some time ago, i remember reading an entry on one of my sis' friend's blog, a fellow gepper. he wrote that he wondered why it was that clicking through all his fellow geppers' blogs, he saw that they were all of them generally unhappy and dissatisfied with the states of their lives. he wondered if it was something to do with intelligence. he wondered what exactly was wrong. i remember clearly a time when my sis was exactly like them, but she is not now. is she really such the failure she might seem measuring against the rest of the geps?

i say this not because my sister did not become some great successful professional many of her friends became, i say this not because she could not become like one of them even if she had wanted. i say this not because i cannot become like one of them, nor do i say this because i still feel sour over being eliminated after round two both times. neither do i think that all geppers are a bunch of unhappy, dissatisfied people. so why do i say what i say?

for those who know my sis, i admire her for doing so many things that i would like to do, but cannot bring myself to do for fear of losing out in the "real" world. all my life, i have looked up to her; she wasn't always "smarter" than me, but she was always more intelligent, more ingenious, and definitely much deeper. and that isn't just all, she was always more honest, more scrupulous, and definitely much more God-loving and God-fearing. isn't that all the more worth my looking up to?

it just isn't fair to judge her upon her achievements through the eyes of the society. in my eyes, she has achieved much more. and i'd say, in God's eyes, she has probably gained much approval.