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09 June 2004 @ 09:14 pm
nothing to her name?  
over dinner just now, my mother casually mentioned hearing news of our country's geppers over the radio, statistics of how they are doing currently. she made a passing comment of how successful the large majority of them now are, and my sister has not achieved anything. in a way, i felt somewhat mortally offended. why do we so often look through those materialistic, weighing eyes of our society six days of of our week, switch to some goody-goody "all for God" talk those few hours in church on sundays, and then happily slip back into that weighing-your-worth-by-your-achievements mode once again? why are we so often torn between the two?

some time ago, i remember reading an entry on one of my sis' friend's blog, a fellow gepper. he wrote that he wondered why it was that clicking through all his fellow geppers' blogs, he saw that they were all of them generally unhappy and dissatisfied with the states of their lives. he wondered if it was something to do with intelligence. he wondered what exactly was wrong. i remember clearly a time when my sis was exactly like them, but she is not now. is she really such the failure she might seem measuring against the rest of the geps?

i say this not because my sister did not become some great successful professional many of her friends became, i say this not because she could not become like one of them even if she had wanted. i say this not because i cannot become like one of them, nor do i say this because i still feel sour over being eliminated after round two both times. neither do i think that all geppers are a bunch of unhappy, dissatisfied people. so why do i say what i say?

for those who know my sis, i admire her for doing so many things that i would like to do, but cannot bring myself to do for fear of losing out in the "real" world. all my life, i have looked up to her; she wasn't always "smarter" than me, but she was always more intelligent, more ingenious, and definitely much deeper. and that isn't just all, she was always more honest, more scrupulous, and definitely much more God-loving and God-fearing. isn't that all the more worth my looking up to?

it just isn't fair to judge her upon her achievements through the eyes of the society. in my eyes, she has achieved much more. and i'd say, in God's eyes, she has probably gained much approval.
Mood: disappointed
Music: when they really get to know you they will run -- pedro the lion
(Anonymous) on June 9th, 2004 10:10 am (UTC)
not tat my praise or opinion is worth anything, but like you, i have always hold ur sis in high regard and respect her for wat she's doing. In fact, im q envious of her a lot of times too...of how in tune she is with Him...and yep, i would also like to grow to be like her...

u know who
a little less than the girl next doorin_transit on June 10th, 2004 10:18 am (UTC)
me too. :) not that my opinion and admiration is woth much either. :>
unblurunblur on June 10th, 2004 07:57 am (UTC)
yah.. how true..
they always say to be a God-pleaser, rather than a man-pleaser.

i would say ur sis is one who gave up all of her, for all of Him, though i don't know her personally. :)
a little less than the girl next doorin_transit on June 10th, 2004 10:14 am (UTC)
haha yeah i think she tries. :>
the doobfemdog on June 11th, 2004 10:34 pm (UTC)
i think your sis is great for choosing where to go in life. :)
a little less than the girl next doorin_transit on June 15th, 2004 10:33 pm (UTC)
(Anonymous) on June 14th, 2004 08:11 pm (UTC)
xiaoying says
wanted to type u a mail but din know which u check. just the usual updates and hi stuffs. so long never hear from u. which email ah? anyway add me on msn if u have? xiaoyinggg@hotmail.com
a little less than the girl next doorin_transit on June 15th, 2004 10:25 pm (UTC)
Re: xiaoying says
you're in luck, i just got msn not too long ago. haha. i'm using the singnet email but i still check the icq/yahoo ones. :)