a little less than the girl next door (in_transit) wrote,
a little less than the girl next door

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there is a choice

with regard to my august 13th entry, and my august 10th one, i think i would like to disclaim(?) them. i don't think i really need, or want, to go through all that misery of liking someone i actually know, and have frequent contact with, all over again. i think i would be better off liking little x 'cos we don't even talk anymore, so i know it'll just be a "thrill-seeking" sort of thing, then i don't have to hope, and wait, only to be disappointed. i don't want things to go bad eventually, i don't wanna act like a spoilt little brat, like i did with errr some people before, and then making other people miserable also, i don't wanna feel awkward because of that tension that is underneath me, and not him, i don't wanna write so much about him here again, and then feel like a boy-crazy nut a few weeks/months down... there are so many things i don't wanna happen... i wish i was never a big mouth, and that i never told anyone, so that only i would know, and i would think it's my own imagination, 'cos once people know, it becomes more and more like a reality.

so there, i don't think i actually really like him, though this is a serious contradiction to the comment i just left on femdog's blog. it's just a great big joke i made up, 'cos there wasn't really much else to write about in my journal anyway. and also 'cos nothing's happening with little x, it's so boring. now i think i shall go attempt to crush on my lecturer or something, so i will be spurred on to go school all the time and spend the rest of my life researching on english/lit in the central library, which i still have never stepped into before. and then i can go pester my lecturer and flirt with him or something and try to wow him with my immense knowledge and interest in the subject and stuff... so now, i have stroud (english) or philip holden (lit) to choose from. maybe holden, for his attractive facial hair... har-har.
Tags: pandora's box

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